With so much information thrown at us about what it means to be a girl, it can be confusing to figure out how much of it is helpful in attracting a mate. Well the truth is, it all depends on what type of guy you want to attract. Remember, if you are all about yourself, you’re not going to attract a super sweet guy, you’ll probably attract a guy that is also only into himself and neither of you will be happy very long in a relationship like that. So let’s look at what good guys like in a girl so we can set ourselves up for success ladies.

Natural Beauty

First of all, studies have shown that guys aren’t attracted to girls because they are skinny. Some girls have a larger frame and will be naturally curvy and that attracts guys just as much. So love your body and know that you are actually naturally attractive to guys. It’s when we feel insecure and try to change who we are that guys sense you don’t like yourself and they will look for someone else who’s comfortable in their own skin. That goes for makeup too. While guys appreciate pretty eye makeup, they will like you more if you get comfortable with little or no makeup. They know it’s not real ladies, we aren’t fooling them. Don’t worry, our bodies are engineered to be attracted to other people, we don’t have to manipulate ourselves unnaturally to attract a good guy.

Positive Thinking

The more positive we can be, the more guys will like us. Try not to gossip about other people and try not to let jealous thoughts come into your head. The more we support our friends and celebrate their success, the more a good guy will see how nice and enjoyable you are to be around. When we genuinely uplift others without being fake, they will feel our good vibes and want some of them on a regular basis.

Support Them

The more you can show them your support, the more they will see your ability to show you care. Guys like when a girl is nurturing and helps them remember their sports gear, gets them cleats when theirs have holes in them or makes sure to tell them what time their favorite sports team is playing. Getting them a book that will help them learn about something they are really passionate about is a nice gesture too. Cooking them a healthy meal that will make them feel great is another great way to support them. Complimenting them on their strengths and noticing their hard work can help build a strong friendship and let the romance bud between you.

Take Care of Your Body

Guys like when a girl isn’t lazy and takes care of her body. This doesn’t mean you have to be super skinny but they certainly like a girl who is fit and takes pride in her health. When we love ourselves and take care of ourselves, it’s easier for guys to love us back. Remember, if you want to attract a guy that’s motivated and has a healthy self esteem, you’ll also need to put in your time to get your heart rate up and feel good about yourself!

Be Good At Things

Whether it’s art, playing an instrument or a physical activity, guys like a girl who is good at something. Having something you’re really passionate about and knowledgeable about is definitely helpful in attracting a guy and it can protect you from losing your sense of identity in a relationship. So find what you love and do it with all of your heart! When it comes to work or school, always take pride in doing your best and he will admire your drive and accomplishments.

Be Confident but Not Arrogant

That leads us to the next topic. When you are proud of certain things you’ve done, don’t brag about them. It’s important to be humble and not come off as arrogant. You’ll know you’re arrogant when you’re constantly talking about all the great things you’ve done. Guys like it when a girl is emotionally vulnerable enough to admit that they are not always strong and being ok with failing at things and trying again is also something they find cute. Determination and willpower are good qualities to have and they would prefer you are honest about what you’re still working on instead of trying to fake it.

Be Kind To Everyone

Guys will notice when you let someone cut ahead of you in line or help someone when they’ve dropped something. They like to see a girl think of others because it helps them know you would be nice to them too. The more nice you are in your words and actions, the better your chances of attracting a nice guy. Remember what Ashton Kutcher said at the Teen Choice awards, kindness is sexy.

Don’t Blame People or Complain

It’s important that you don’t always complain about what you don’t like. Try to have a rule that you never complain. Guys don’t like whiny girls, they will feel drained around you if you talk bad about everyone and everything in your life. Even if you’re broken down with a flat tire, you can choose to focus on how nice the person that stopped to help you was and how beautiful of a day it is. Try not to blame people for the way you are feeling because that will make you negative and guys really like positive people. Choose to surround yourself with positive things and positive people and you’ll find it easier to stop complaining. You can write yourself little notes that remind you to be grateful instead of complain and carry it around with you.

Listen Intently

Another thing guys like is when you sometimes let them do the talking. Try to pay attention to what they are talking about and show that you care. They will appreciate your sincere feedback and it can build a good friendship. Being a good listener can make you a great girlfriend and shows how mature you are.

Be Independent

Make sure that you have a life besides hanging out with your boyfriend. Have a strong group of friends and make sure you don’t forget about your friends even when you’re in a relationship. Have hobbies and interests that don’t involve your boyfriend so that you are comfortable doing things on your own. Guys like a girl who isn’t dependent on them for their happiness because they will feel like the girl is clinging to them.

Have A Sense of Humor

While it’s important to take your school or work seriously, it’s also attractive to have a sense of humor. When we take ourselves too seriously, we come off as cold. We need to make sure we remember to lighten up and look at the bright side of life. Laughter is contagious and when we laugh, it helps other people feel good. Guys can’t help but like a girl who is happy so feel free to get in touch with what makes you giggle. You could always watch stand up comedy with them or send them funny videos to brighten their day.

Be Responsible

Guys are drawn to girls who are responsible. They don’t want to hear about how you attend wild parties and spend all your money without control. Guys, well good guys, like to see that you can manage your budget, that you’re respectful to adults and that you really do care about your life. Making good decisions that are responsible will create a ripple effect in your life and the quality of men you attract will improve. When you’re the top of your class or really good at your job, guys will admire all the hard work and sacrifices you made to achieve that.

Tell Them You Like Them

Guys will be happy to know that you like them. Sometimes they aren’t sure because girls act like they are too cool for the guy that they actually like. There’s no reason to act like you don’t notice the guy you like when he’s in the same room. Go up to him and talk to him and it’s ok to flirt. Guys like a girl who is not afraid to show how she feels. It’s good to share our affection and that’s a great way to see if they like you back. And don’t be shy, go ahead and tell them you have a crush on them because they might be too shy to ask you out if you don’t make the first move.

You probably noticed that all of these things are about substance and not appearance. The more substance you have, the more you will impress a good guy. The more we work on ourselves, the better our chances of attracting a guy that we will be proud to bring home to our family. Stay positive, keep smiling and keep doing your best to make others happy and good things will come your way.

Chemistry is a feeling of attraction that creates the desire to share your life with someone on the physical, emotional and psychological levels. Chemistry is said to come from pheromones which are invisible chemicals that can be shared between people and essentially get them in sync. When two people feel chemistry, they will often feel their heart race, their body temperature may go up and they may feel nervous in the other person’s presence.

Chemistry is definitely a real phenomenon and is also a rare phenomenon. We’ve all heard about people going on a first date and afterwards saying there just wasn’t any chemistry. Other people can also observe the chemistry between two people and almost feel how in tune the couple is.

How To Know If You Have Chemistry

The good thing is, if you have chemistry, you won’t have to ask yourself, you will just know. Chemistry is an experience and cannot be fabricated. Sometimes just one person feels an attraction towards the other person however, chemistry is when the feeling is mutual and creates an even stronger bond.

You know you have chemistry when you forget where you are when you’re hanging out with someone because you’re so engrossed in the other person. You know you have chemistry when you think about that person first thing in the morning or throughout the day. If you both have trouble not holding hands in public, that’s another sign you have some incredible chemistry going on.

How Do You Find Chemistry

This is what most people have a hard time with because they go about it backwards. They think that chemistry will come by looking for it and become fixated on how miserable they are because they don’t have it. Chemistry really comes from knowing yourself so well that you can essential link to a compatible partner energetically. When you have a strong energy because you put a lot of effort into being the best person you can possibly be inside, you will tap into the source of chemistry.

The timing will happen on it’s own and you cannot force it. My best advice is not to worry about finding chemistry, just know that the more you work on yourself to be a positive and healthy individual, with balance, skills and compassion, the easier it will be to find chemistry with someone.

Humans are attracted to physical beauty yes but real chemistry comes from a deeper emotional connection that requires both people to be vulnerable and completely loving. It’s beautiful to witness or experience chemistry, which are physiological and emotional effects.

What Does Chemistry Feel Like?

Chemistry can be different depending on what the person you meet has been brought into your life to help you with. Chemistry allows people to grow and sometimes it can bring intense emotions with it. People that have not done a lot of emotional work on themselves will often have chemistry with someone who needs to work on similar things and they will see their own problems in someone else. This is actually a very empowering and valuable thing to experience because without a mirror, we can’t see what we look like.

Chemistry is usually a good thing, it’s the thing that makes people want to keep hanging out and rearrange their schedule to spend time together. It’s what makes people want to commit to each other and plan their lives together. There is a feeling of ‘oneness’ when two people have chemistry and the bond is so close that they start to think and feel the same things. Communication will feel very open and you’ll feel like you’ve known the other person for a long time very quickly. This is because you’re resonating with very similar vibrations.

Where Does It Come From?

Scientists describe everything as vibrations and everything in life is in constant motion, even our thoughts. Thoughts have actually the strongest and fastest measurable wavelength and when we feel chemistry with someone, we will often find they have similar thoughts to ours. The universal law of like attracts like applies in our bodies which are chemicals. The fun part for us is to determine if the chemistry we are experiencing is reflecting something good about ourselves or something we want to change. This is the value of love and feeling head over heels for someone, we get to work on ourselves.

Is It Always A Good Thing?

Chemistry will usually allow two people to feel so happy that they laugh and end up finding lots of funny experiences together. They are able to share their full selves, shortcomings and all, without being judged. They care about each other and try to help each other make good decisions. Sometimes when people are not yet emotionally mature, the chemistry will bring stuff up that you need to deal with such as fear. This, I am very sure, its still a good thing because we do need to face all of our emotions and integrate them into our wholeness in order to be fully happy. Even if it is hard to face or painful, chemistry will always bring you exactly what you need.

So don’t keep yourself up at night wondering when chemistry is going to show up in your life. Just work on yourself, do your best to be a good person, make decisions out of self love and work on having a healthy view of yourself. When you begin to radiate, you will find chemistry. Don’t confuse the chemistry for a sign to stop loving yourself or working on yourself, that chemistry will be fueled by you staying true to yourself. In the best case scenario, you and your partners chemistry will help you both become your best selves.

Chemistry finds us when it’s supposed to. Some people find it earlier in life and some people won’t find it until later. Some people find it multiple times. But when you both feel like you’re soul mates, you know you’ve found it. If you want to find chemistry with someone, envision what it feels like to be in your future partners presence and feel totally comfortable, send that person love even though you haven’t met them and just be patient until they manifest into your reality.

When you are struggling to find an ounce of happiness in your marriage, even if you think your partner is a genuinely nice person, it may really be over. Many marriages have been saved with the help of therapy and before you think your marriage is over, you should always give it a try. Here are some signs that you may be happier and your partner for that matter, may be happier if you just end it and move on with your lives in different directions.

Therapy Isn’t Helping

If you have tried therapy for a good length of time and have seen no improvements, your issues may not be resolvable. Often when people harbor deep anger and resentment, they cannot overcome those perspectives and lose respect for the other person. If you have been through too many traumatic experiences, sometimes it is best to cut the cord and start fresh with a new person after you have healed.

There’s No Attraction

Sometimes couples go through phases where they are temporarily attracted to each other and it can be remedied by either working on personal health and getting in shape again or speaking to an intimacy coach. Sometimes past relationships or childhood issues can create intimacy blocks that can be healed and the attraction will return. If you have exhausted these options and tried to explore your sexuality creatively but still feel no spark, you may just not be in love anymore. Give it some time and be patient to be sure that it is not just a phase though. Stress can affect libido as and hormonal changes can as well. So if you haven’t considered your diet, exercise and stress levels, consult with a naturopathic doctor about options.

Fighting is Affecting Children

When there is more than just the two of you affected by your toxic relationship it may be time to realize that you are harming not only yourself but the impressionable minds of your children. Words create lasting memories and children need to be in a peaceful home. If you are having screaming blow out fights in front of the children and have tried to go to therapy, it’s time to consider divorce so you can work on yourselves in a more calm manner.

You’ve Grown Apart

Sometimes you are really both well balanced and kind people but your interests shift and you both want different things. Many times after a few decades or years, people fundamentally change their beliefs or perspectives on life. If you’re feeling depressed because you cannot follow your dreams or you feel like you’re forcing yourself to be in the relationship, it’s time to realize your heart’s just not in it. On the other hand, if your partner is really disenchanted and has been for some time, it may only be fair to let them go. Love sometimes lasts a lifetime and sometimes for limited seasons.

There is Physical, Verbal or Substance Abuse

If your relationship is volatile and out of control with many arguments or physical fights, it is not a healthy relationship and it is not a marriage worth saving. If someone can lose their temper to the point of screaming at another person with hateful words, the truth is, they are not ready to be in a relationship. If someone is physically abusive, this is a boundary that should never be crossed and once it is, there is no going back. If someone is being manipulative, controlling or condescending to the other person, the other person’s self esteem will only get worse.

If there is substance abuse in the relationship, seek professional help. If someone with substance abuse refuses to see they have a problem and denies that they need help, it’s important to end the relationship.

One Person Stops Making an Effort

If one person loses motivation to put their loving energy into the relationship, this can be the sign that the marriage should end. If they don’t want to try to communicate, work on issues or help out in other ways around the house, they may be depressed and need to seek professional help on their own. If someone is unwilling to work on themselves or compromise to try to find a middle ground, often this will lead to divorce.

You’re Completely Miserable

If you are the one that has become depressed and you’ve spoken to your therapist for a while, it may be that you’re not feeling respected or you don’t feel respect for your partner any more. You may feel like your partner doesn’t support you or you may feel like your partner just uses you. If you have tried your best to improve your positive well being and done work on yourself to not seek happiness from your partner and you’re still depressed, it may be time to consider a new life plan.

Affairs Continue To Happen

If one or both of you continue to have affairs and you are not in an open relationship, this could be a sign that your marriage just isn’t meant to be. Some people, men or women, will never be able to have a committed relationship. These people may be fighting their own nature and trying to change someone like this is a futile battle. Sometimes accepting people for who they are and moving on is the best we can do.

You’ve Stopped Interacting

If you’ve stopped interacting or spending time together and just don’t feel like doing things together, your relationship may have run it’s course. Many times one person will lose interest before the other person and this can be remedied by reviving your relationship through romantic getaways, deep conversations, extra effort into intimacy or therapy. If it has been a while and one or both of you just want to do other things, this is a sign that the relationship has fizzled out for good.

Different Viewpoints on Children

If one of you is adamantly opposed to having children and the other one has made up their mind that they definitely want children, this can be a fork in the road that leads you in opposite directions. Often this can be a peaceful parting as you may still love eachother but just want different things.

Remember, just because you saw your life panning out one way and believed in it 100%, it doesn’t make you a failure to get a divorce. We can’t always predict what life will throw at us and sometimes we do our best and we still can’t force it to work. Support groups and books on overcoming divorce can be very helpful in the healing process. Finally, learning to understand what happened in your relationship and how you attracted that person, can help you from repeating the same thing in the future.

Depending on what psychology book you read, the names of the stages in a relationship will be slightly different as will the time periods. However, there is one undeniable fact, there are definitely stages that all relationships go through. They are rights of passage and they are pass/fail. If you don’t pass one in a relationship, you’re going to need to deal with it in the next one. This can be very helpful for you because you can actually plan for these stages. Instead of just thinking in your relationship on a day-to-day basis. You can begin to think of it month-to-month and year-to-year. To avoid the pitfalls the hormones and patterns of thinking can lead us to, read on…

When we look at human nature and see that we all pretty much operate in these stages, we see how important it is to be patient in relationships and get to the real love phase before getting married. This is why couples that move in together after a month and expect to get married right away often don’t work, because they haven’t been through the stages and reached that level of love to show they they are ready for that level of commitment.

The Cloud 9

This is the one phase that most people will always get. The other phases can happen at different times, depending on what is going on in your life and how old you are. This one is still standing strong as the first stage though. It is the infatuation stage. You get butterflies when you think about the other person. You feel like you have just met an angel. You see all the person’s great qualities and are oblivious to their not so desirable traits. This is actually something that you are not really that in control of because it is a surge of hormones in your body. These hormones make you feel high, act differently and give you the desire to change the way you spend your time to make it work with the individual. This could last from 2 weeks to 2 years, depending on how much time you spend together. This feeling will come back after a wedding and that is called ‘The Honey Moon Phase.’

The Bickering

As the hormones stop producing, you can start to bicker over small things. As you get used to each other, see them in their less proud moments and get to know their friends and family, you can begin to forget what you thought was so awesome about them. This is where the negative starts to become highlighted and for the first time you may feel pain and anguish from your relationship. This kind of blends with the next phase but this will cause more annoyance as the second one can cause more serious fights. The bickering comes from feeling slightly annoyed by the other person and snapping at them, this can come from taking them for granted or maybe you’ve become codependent and spent too much time together.

Take time apart to focus on your hobbies and other friends. Take time to breath and remember why you’re grateful for each other. Do romantic things but keep a balance.

The Control Phase

The next phase is about creating autonomy in your relationship. You may begin to think about what you were doing before you started dating. This is where you may butt heads about life plans and try to make your goals a priority. You will each try to push your opinion of how life is supposed to be lived together on the other person. This is also where you try to assert your will and where a lot of people think it’s important to be right. This can end relationships if people don’t seek therapy or really work to get past it. This is often when you see all the things that you couldn’t see in the honeymoon phase and often when you start thinking that you are the victim.

Don’t fall prey to letting your expectations or ideas of how the relationship is supposed to look ruin what you have. Try to realize that both partners have a lot to manage and if expectations are unmet, talk about it and be flexible. Try not to become too rigid in your thinking and be willing to change up the routine. The more you get stuck in patterns, the less easy it will be to handle changes. Don’t get bogged down by stress, keep your life fun and exciting. Seek balance in health, love, work and play.

The Compromise Phase

If you make it past the power struggle phase, you will still have small relapses at time but for the most part you will learn to accept each other’s differences and learn how to choose your battles wisely. This is where you are able to look past the things you fought about before and start to see why you love them again. This can be a resurgence in your relationship and this might be when you get engaged or move in together.

Remember if you aren’t willing to change yourself, you’re never going to get to this stage. Many times people will move in together too quickly and then things blow up because they haven’t learned how to get along yet. Patience is a virtue and try to keep things in perspective so you don’t lose your cool for no reason. Find ways to manage your stress like yoga, running, meditation or tai chi.

The Second Guessing

This happens a few years into the marriage, usually around the 3-4 year mark but for younger people who live at a faster pace and are more impatient, it can happen faster. Hey even older people can be impatient. When you start to lose the excitement in your relationship and maybe start finding other people attractive or thinking about if you are really meant to be in the relationship, this is usually because your relationship has become dull.

In order to keep love alive, you have to fuel the fire. You can revamp your sex life by taking romantic getaways, getting couples massages, going on couples yoga retreats, talking to an intimacy coach or reading books to expand your intimacy. This is where you can get creative and just invite some fun into your lives. Don’t be a serious adult all the time or your fire will fizzle with a sad sounding wah woh.

The Real Love Phase

When you reach the real love phase that usually comes around the five year mark, you can expect things to get easier. You will be able to feel that unbreakable bond and you will feel like your back on cloud 9. This is the stable phase of the relationship. You know each other in and out and accept all the imperfections. You’re still in love with this human after all you’ve been through. If you’re diligent and your partner is diligent about your relationship health, you may not experience the extremes of these phases.

Finally, just know that life is ever changing. New situations ask for new perspectives and we will constantly have to check in with our reactions and efforts. As long as you never stop working on yourself and always try to show your love, just like you did the first month you were dating, you will have the best chances. Alas, what are we here for other than to love and be loved?

Ways to Deal With a Complicated Relationship

There’s no question that it can be very challenging to deal with a complicated relationship. Often you feel overwhelmed and completely at a loss as far as how to fix it. When your emotions cloud your judgement, it’s helpful to read, reflect and turn your logical brain on to help you find your way out. Here are some practical solutions to find your way out of the complication you are in.

Write Down What’s Really Bothering You

The first step to finding your way out of a complicated relationship is to write down what’s really bothering you. Chances are it will be a list of things but be sure to include the things that you think you are not good at. This will really be different for each relationship but the more responsibility you can take for your actions and reactions and truly look at yourself in the mirror, the better your chances are of either resolving or not repeating the same behaviors in the future. If you are receiving a lot of negativity, being ignored or cheated on, this is where you can try some of the options below.

See How Much You Are Contributing To The Problem

Think about the situations that are causing problems between you two and try to figure out how you are contributing. Are you doing your best or can you do better? Have you listened to your partner to see how they are feeling? Many times we project our own problems onto people in relationships because we haven’t done a lot of work on dealing with our own insecurities and childhood issues. This can be deceptive because when we feel hurt, we think it’s coming from the other person.

Ask Yourself If There Is Codependency

Many times, one or both people in a relationship can become codependent which means they begin to rely on the other person’s affection and attention for happiness. This can really make a relationship complicated because it can create imbalances where you are either spending too much time together or one person is unhappy about how much time you spend together. It can spiral into other issues of jealousy, controlling behaviors and arguments. If you believe you are codependent, read about this behavior and how to overcome it. Most people have to experience this to overcome it but it will help you to read about it and see if you are in fact codependent. Most people do not realize when they have become codependent because it’s such a subtle thing that creeps up on you and there is no red light that beeps or buzzer that sounds to warn you that you have become codependent. It is common in young people or people that have been together for a long time.

Will your relationship recover? It depends on if you’re both still in love and if you’re both still wanting to work it out and overcome the issue. The next step will help you decide.

Talk To Your Partner

This is one of the most important things you need to do to help your complicated relationship. If you need clarity about how your partner feels or where your relationship stands, don’t put off talking to your partner. If they don’t respect you enough to be honest with you, you shouldn’t be in the relationship anyway. If you get extremely confused from talking and frustrated, chances are you have some issues that could use the next step, therapy. You will need to voice how you’re feeling to see if it can be fixed. This is something that you will always need to to in a relationship and avoiding talking will only make things worse. Don’t ignore your problems, face them head on.

Try Therapy

There are many things that therapy can help with for complicated relationships. Don’t think that therapy is for weak people. It’s often those that don’t think they need it that actually need it the most. When we are willing to work on ourselves, we are one step closer to empowering ourselves to make a decision that will lead us out of the unhappy place we have found ourselves in. If your partner isn’t willing to go to therapy that’s a clear sign they are not ready to look in the mirror and have a mature relationship. Remember, if someone is only playing the blame game, the are not humble enough to have a healthy relationship. Now if they are just completely over the relationship and not wanting to work on it, then that is something that you will need to respect and don’t worry, time will heal your pain.

End it If You’re Not Happy

This is where you should take some time away from your partner to do some thinking. If you’re not happy, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know it’s painful but if the relationship isn’t healthy, chances are you need to step out of that reality and take some time to heal and gain perspective. I’ve found that we really do need to study relationships, emotions and psychology to get better at relationships. We must be willing to be humble when we fall on our face and get back up and try again.

Finally, you may want to reach out to some people you trust that you feel will listen and give you an honest opinion. It’s hard when your feelings are tied up with another person. We often can’t see clearly and that’s where the old saying, ‘love is blind’ comes from. No one is immune to love, thank goodness though, because when people are able to have a healthy relationship, it is a very enriching and a beautiful thing that touches everyone around them.

If you haven’t heard of limerence it’s an important term that everyone should be familiar with. Limerence is a pattern of thinking behaviors that can cause extreme anguish. Many people confuse limerence with love. Limerence has also been called love sickness, infatuation, love obsession or love addiction. It’s important to know how to direct your love in healthy ways to avoid becoming obsessive about someone. The term ‘limerence’ was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her book published in 1979 titled, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. She defines it as, “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute longing for emotional reciprocation, obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person.”

Unfortunately, emotional coping skills and behavioral coaching is not a part of schools yet. Most of our ideas about love come from the media and often the media dramatizes love so much that they show it in it’s obsessive form. This has created a culture that breeds unhealthy, codependent relationships. Healthy relationships are when both people enjoy the other person’s company but they spend a healthy amount of time apart and do not constantly think about the other person.

Difference between Love and Limerence

So how can you tell if you are actually in love or if you are in limerence? To start to understand what limerence is, let’s look at what people in ‘limerence’ do that’s different that people that are in ‘love.’ Limerence does not involve the feelings or desires for physical intimacy that love does however, people that do have a physical relationship can still experience limerence although their obsessiveness will be over attention and appreciation, not sexual fantasies. Limerence want’s gratification from the person in a very different way. It’s all about getting attention from the other person for doing something heroic. In limerence, the ego searches for compliments or even subtle forms of attention to get their addiction fix. This is an addictive type of thinking that creates fantasies and can become so obsessive that the person with limerence can only think about that person they are seeking attention from.

What’s also distinct about limerence is that the basic fantasy is actually usually in epic life threatening situations where they can save the person they obsess over or help them in some way, thus becoming the hero of the story. This is an unhealthy way of thinking and it is not about physical attraction, it’s an obsessive and unhealthy behavioral pattern that is often confused with love sickness or just being in love.

Signs of Limerence

The major difference between love and limerence is that when a person is feeling limerence, they will not tell the person they like them. They will feel nervous around the person and have trouble talking to them. Their heart will race and they will feel high from one glance or acknowledgment but they will experience severe anxiety and depression when the object of their desire returns no attention or appreciation for them.

Another sign of limerence is being afraid of losing the other person. Limerence creates very strong insecurities and rejection can lead to thoughts of suicide. Limerence is very codependent and people may obsess over what is said and really read into things more than usual. It’s not that there is really even a relationship, although there can be. It’s more about the gratification of that person’s attention that you fear losing like it’s a drug that you must get to feel happy.

If a person has the behavior of limerence, they will feel like they are on a roller coaster and either extremely happy or extremely sad. They will not be able to control their emotional state and it will change frequently.

Finally, it’s important to know that this is a biochemical process created by the brain and anyone experiencing these types of thoughts and behaviors should seek help from a licensed psychologist. This is a leading cause of breakups and divorce. Healthy relationships that are based in love care about the other person’s well being but will respect if the other person doesn’t reciprocate the feelings. If a person has limerence, they will not accept rejection and continue to think they have a chance.

More often than not, when a guy is looking for a girlfriend, he will look at things his mother has told him to look for as well as physical attraction. So here are some things your crush will be impressed with and don’t worry, these will all help you feel happy and proud of who you are. We do not have to starve ourselves or torture ourselves to be attractive, beauty is about the vibe you put off which is based on how well you take care of yourself and how confident you are. True confidence comes from just loving your natural self and not trying to be like anyone else, don’t worry what people think about you, just smile and be a good person!

1. Have Real Style

Style doesn’t have to cost a fortune, it’s just paying attention to your get up. It’s coordinating in a way that flatters your natural beauty. You don’t have to follow anyone else’s style but try not to be boring with what you wear. Doing something different can help you stand out and get your crush’s attention. When you look coordinated and put together, it gives you a sense of mystery that he will want to get to know. You can find vintage style items at thrift stores as well as bohemian stuff. Don’t think you can’t afford to dress with style. Keep it fun, not too revealing and make sure you feel comfortable with what you’re wearing. If you love it, others will too.

Make sure you’re always freshly showered and keep your nails clean. Wear deodorant and make sure you’re not just wearing baggy sweatpants and t-shirts all the time. Have fun with it!

2. Be Smarter Than The Competition

This is probably not what you think. Being smart doesn’t mean being more flirty, it literally means reading and studying and being knowledgeable. When you put time aside to exercise your brain everyday, you will find an inner confidence that cannot be replaced or faked. Guys are attracted to girls who are well rounded which includes being smart.

3. Stay Fit

There’s no need to obsess over you weight, some of us are just built curvy but we can all stay fit which will not only help us be more positive, it will help us glow and impress our crush! Being fit will release lots of endorphins that will help you be energized and better at the other things you do. Find something you love to do like dance, yoga, pilates or rock climbing. If you want to switch it up and master many forms of exercise that works too! Try to be active everyday and you’ll notice that guys will pay more attention to you!

4. Do Your Best in School or Work

Guys are impressed by women who push themselves to be the best. That means we must do what we are passionate about and never give up. Whether it’s getting good grades in school or taking pride in your job, a woman who is hard working and tenacious has an unbreakable spirit. Remember that you shouldn’t always be that intense though and your brain and body will need to take breaks to have fun and relax but keep up the effort and the guys will be impressed!

5. Show Genuine Interest In His Life

When you go out of your way to show your crush that you’re interested in his life and paying attention to what is important to him, he will feel your warmth and appreciate it. You should never just be nice to someone to get something in return so make sure you don’t have expectations that he will have to like you back. Remember, if you get the impression that he’s not really attracted to you, he could still make a great friend. Try not to be obsessed with his life, just ask him questions and remember what he says but give him space and don’t try to talk to him all the time. You should have your own interests and passions too. It’s nice when you’re talking to him to let him talk and ask him about his life so you don’t come off as rude or conceited.

6. Hang Out With Good People

We are known by the company we keep so make sure your friends are good people. It’s not that they have to be in the ‘cool’ crowd, they just need to be nice and you should feel proud that you’re friends with them. If he knows your friends are gossipers and shallow people, he may assume you are the same right?

7. Show Your Creative Sides

Maybe enroll in an art class, a pottery class or get involved in the circus arts. There are so many ways to express yourself and a guy loves a girl who isn’t afraid to think outside of the box sometimes. Art helps us engage the other side of our brain and helps us get in touch with our emotions. It can be very healing to express your emotions through art and guys might find it attractive too. Bottom line is guys like girls who are educated and who have interests besides just hanging out with them. It’s nice if you have other things to do so you’re not just waiting around for him to call or hang out, then he won’t feel pressured to hang out with you and he’ll feel privileged when you make time to see him.

8. Be Really Positive

Your crush will be impressed if you always have a smile and always speak positively of other people. Nothing is uglier than a negative person and nothing is more attractive than a happy person. Remember, you don’t need a guy to make you happy and if you’re happy on your own, the right one will come along. Try not to complain about your life and try to be very encouraging to him.

9. Keep It Real

There is pressure in our society to become fake because women think that men only want really skinny and drop dead gorgeous women. The truth is what men find attractive is not a ton a makeup or someone who’s dressed too fancy to walk through the grass. Men like real women who are confident, natural and passionate. The more you embrace who you want to be and not who you think you should be to impress someone, the more the laws of nature will work in your favor. Don’t change for a man, change for yourself.

10. Be Independent

Guys are impressed by girls who are not clingy and who have a sense of independence. If you’re not used to doing things on your own, try going out of your comfort zone and doing things (as long as it’s safe). It’s important to realize how much our words, habits and actions are influenced by the people around us so we can make sure we are making healthy decisions for ourselves. If everyone is eating fast food all the time, we may think it’s normal until we begin to think more independently. We are then able to set a good example by making good changes and guys like girls who are willing to stand up for what is right.

11. Do Kind Things

Make sure you do things for other people. Even if he’s not around, it will be an easy thing to talk about if you’re at dinner. He will be impressed if you volunteer for the community or make time to do things for other people. Guys can smell selfishness from a mile away so the better person you can be, the better your chances. Remember, we will attract the type of person we are so be nice!

12. Have A Job

Finally, if you’re old enough to work try to get a job. Guys like to see that a girl is taking care of themselves and it’s nice to be able to offer to buy him dinner sometimes too. In today’s age, equality is the new normal so don’t expect to be taken care of ladies!

Hopefully you’re now looking forward to all these fun ways to improve your life and impress your crush. We are lucky that all the things that make us a better person will also attract a mate!

Is your heart being pulled in two directions because your parents disapprove of your boyfriend? This is a common problem given that there are so many different ways to perceive life and you can use these tips to hopefully help your situation. Stay positive and be kind to everyone in this situation as you go through this process.

1.Don’t Take It Personally

First of all, let’s talk about how you’re feeling. We know this is not an ideal situation to be in however the silver lining is that you can grow to become a better person as you work to resolve this. The more kindness and love you can bring to everyone in this situation by having compassion for their viewpoints, the more you will be able to understand how they are feeling and not feel angry towards your boyfriend or towards your parents. We know that this can cause a lot of fights between you and your parents as well as you and your boyfriends so look at this as an opportunity to use love to be accepting and considerate instead of letting your words further poison the relationships between you all. Remember, your boyfriend’s feelings will be hurt so if you’re mad about how he behaved, hold your tongue and don’t kick him while he’s down.

2.Talk About It But Stay Calm

First let yourself calm down so you don’t say anything in a reactive way. Try to speak to your parents about why they feel that way. Remember, sometimes they may have logical reasons and sometimes they may be making assumptions. If your parents usually give sound judgment, then be willing to hear them out to be sure you haven’t overlooked something. Sometimes my parents or close friends were able to see things I shouldn’t have overlooked. If your parents are the type to put a lot of pressure on you to make money, chances are they will reject a guy who is still finding his way or just starting out. Remember, if we are transitioning our careers, we wouldn’t want to be judged for how much or little money we had right? Try to listen to your parents and then think realistically if their points have any footing or if they are just trying to control your life. At the end of the day, they can’t control your decisions and should be willing to let you make your own choices. If they are not budging, then a little tough love might be necessary.

3.Prep Your Boyfriend About How To Act

If you’re madly in love with this guy, do your best to tell him what your parents are like and how they might be different than other people’s parents. If you’re parents are offended by swearing, tell him to make sure to watch the way he speaks. If your parents are really conservative ask him not to touch you when they are around. Of course you should always avoid PDA around others for the most part anyway because it can really make people uncomfortable unless your friends are more easy going. If you know he is an outspoken liberal and your parents are unbudging republicans, tell him to avoid talking politics at all costs.

4.Talk Positively About Him

Your instincts when you get in a disagreement with your boyfriend will be to run to your parents and tell them everything but this is not really a good idea unless you’ve ended the relationship because if they already don’t like him, they will really hate him if you talk bad about him. Just share the nice things he does for you and for others with them. Also share his accomplishments with them because you’re proud of him. If he inspires you, share that too!

5.See If Your Parents Are Right

It’s important to take some serious reflection to consider your parents reasons why they don’t like him. If they don’t like him because he has a criminal record, can’t hold a job and never shows appreciation, they may be on to something dear. Remember to take a step back and just try to look at things realistically to make sure your excitement about the relationship isn’t clouding your vision.

6.Try to Get Them To Lighten Up

You can always approach this with a lighthearted attitude when you talk to your parents. Remind them that just because someone is different, it doesn’t mean they are bad. Tolerance is important and seeing everyone as equals is important too. If they are religious and he’s not meeting their standards, let them know how he was raised and explain why you feel he is still a good person. Remind them that there are many different perspectives and ask them if they ever held a different perspective about life than they do now.

7.Let Them Get To Know Him Over Time

Try not to stress about it too much and let them get to know him over time. Bring him around (if they will allow that) and invite them to do things with the two of you. Remind them not to say things that will offend your boyfriend too. See if they can get to know each other through some shared experiences. Give him the opportunity to impress them by maybe cooking for them, treating them to dinner or helping fix something at their house.

8.Be Willing To Respect Them

Try not to let this ruin your relationship with your parents. It’s important to respect their viewpoints and sometimes agree to disagree if you don’t feel they are being fair. Remember boyfriends can be temporary but parents will be there if you break up.

9.See From Their Eyes

In order to maintain peace in this situation, do your best to see from your parents eyes and from your boyfriend’s eyes. This will allow you to sympathize with each of them so you can communicate about this in a mature way. The more compassion we have for each other, the more likely we are to resolve issues. On the other hand, the more we try to force things by bullying people or getting angry, the less our chance of a positive resolution. We do have the ability to give ourselves a better chance.

10.See if He Wants To Make An Effort

This is a good opportunity to let your boyfriend show he is confident and that he is willing to show how much he cares for you. Maybe he can request to talk to your parents. Talking can often times resolve issues when they are faced head on instead of talked about behind peoples’ backs. They will probably respect him for making a bold move to try to make this work.

11.Get The Parents Together

You may want to try to get the parents together for dinner or for a picnic. This can often help to smooth things over and get people to lighten up. Plan something that is neutral and won’t create a fight about who is paying. Try to be considerate of everyone’s eating preferences and maybe cook dinner for them or pack a picnic so there’s no awkward moment when the bill comes. Try not to make one couple travel too far either, find a middle meeting area.

12.Put More Energy Into Resolving It

Sometimes things just take more effort than you’re used to. You might need to make this a focus instead of pushing it aside to resolve it. Your boyfriend will really appreciate it and if your parents see you’re not backing down and it’s really important to you, they may change try to give him a chance. Remember, it’s hard to change people and you might have to accept that they just aren’t going to like him. Afterall it’s a relationship between you and him.

13.Find Their Common Interests

It can help to put some thought into what common interests they share. Maybe it’s a sport, a cause, a type of food or a place in the world. There are so many things we can find common ground about no matter how different we are and it helps to create positive relationships when we focus on them. Try to bring up those things when you’re hanging out.

14.Don’t Feel Overwhelmed by Guilt

Please don’t let guilt overwhelm you. If your parents tend to be on the controlling side, they may try to make you feel bad about what you’re doing. This is an opportunity for you to create healthy boundaries for yourself by voicing your opinion when you feel they are overstepping their parenting role. Be kind but direct and remind them that you have to learn things on your own sometimes.

15.If You’re Parents Are Protective, Show Them You’re Responsible

Finally, if you have been irresponsible in the past and they are being protective, do things to show them you’re responsible like coming home early, not partying too much and joining community volunteer groups. The more you can show them you’re mature and able to make good decisions, the more likely they are to trust your judgement.

Hopefully you’re able to breathe a little easier after reading this and have some ideas to go ahead and try out. Keep your head and keep smiling because a positive attitude can really go a long way.

You may be wondering why incorporating fruit into your diet will help you lose weight. When your body is hungry it’s usually either dehydrated or lacking essential nutrients. Fruit has both a high water content as well many vitamins and nutrients that will allow your body to feel full. The best fruits for weight loss are low in calories and high in fiber. Here are some you can stock up on. Some fruit will also help release fat burning hormones.

Grapefruit

Grapefruit is a great low calorie fruit that can help reduce hunger cravings. If you eat half of a grapefruit before a meal it is said to help you lose weight. It has a high water content and a high fiber content. Grapefruit can also help to settle an upset stomach. Combine it with smoothies or add it into salads for a refreshingly tart treat. Grapefruits are known to help jumpstart your metabolism.

Blueberries

Blueberries are high in antioxidants and have been found to help with weight loss. They are good for your brain and have a high vitamin C content. They contain a lot of phytonutrients because of their dark pigment. Blueberries should only be eaten organic because the pesticides on conventional berries is consumed when eaten.

Watermelon

Watermelon is a very hydrating fruit yet in low calories. The water in fruit is actually more hydrating than drinking water because it is cased in a jelly like substance and not passed through your body as quickly, helping you stay hydrated longer. Watermelon is also very low in calories but has many essential nutrients as well as fiber that will help you stay full. When you get a sugar craving, reach for watermelon instead of candy. Watermelon can be blended to make a delicious juice or chopped up (with the seeds removed) for smoothies.

Kiwi

Kiwi actually has more vitamin C than oranges and the seeds which are soft and easy to digest contain soluble fiber which helps you digest and reduces high cholesterol. Kiwi is very low in calories, low in fat and high in nutrients which is why it is considered a superfood. Make this a dessert instead of cake or ice cream.

Strawberries

Strawberries are very high in vitamin C and the cool thing about strawberries is that they release a hormone that will help you lose weight. You should always eat organic strawberries instead of conventional so you don’t consume the harmful pesticides on the fruit. You can eat them on their own, chop them up in a salad or use them to make a delicious green smoothie. Strawberries actually help to reduce blood sugar and insulin levels after meals.

Oranges

Oranges contain folate, vitamin C and fiber that all contribute to a healthy weight loss eating plan. The vitamin C can help make your workouts more effective and the fiber absorbs water and helps you stay full. Oranges contain zero fat and contain a very low amount of calories. They are a great snack between meals or the perfect addition to salads. You should avoid pasteurized orange juice because it does not contain the same nutrients and usually contains preservatives and added processed sugar. Also keep in mind that non-organic oranges are usually coated with harmful pesticides and the organic oranges will have much more flavor because they have their full natural nutrient spectrum.

Cantaloupe

Cantaloupe is a very hydrating fruit that contains B vitamins, vitamin C, potassium, copper and zinc among other vitamins. This is a very low calorie fruit that is great to eat for breakfast. Take advantage when this fruit is on season and well priced so you can replace those unhealthy breakfast foods!

Pomegranate

Pomegranate seeds help lower high blood pressure and boost your immune system. Pomegranates contain antioxidants and help your heart health by lowering the buildup of cholesterol. Pomegranate juice with seltzer and ice is a good alternative to unhealthy cocktails or soda. This fruit is high in fiber and blocks the fat that is bad for your blood which is called triglycerides.

Blackberries

Blackberries contain a very high amount of phytonutrients and antioxidants, so not only will they help satisfy your hunger, they will also help your immune system. Antioxidants are said to help reduce the free radicals in the body that cause painful inflammation as well. Berries of all kinds are great for your brain and because they don’t have an outer covering, try to only eat them organic. Berries not only help with weight loss, they help fight cancer, help your memory, help your vision and help protect against UV rays.

Coconut

Coconut helps your liver metabolize up to 30% more efficiently which can really help your weight loss. Coconut oil is a healthy form of fat that is good for your brain and a healthy alternative to butter or canola oil. Coconut is also high in potassium which is an essential mineral that helps decrease depression in women. Coconut oil is said to be the healthiest fat which will not make you gain weight. Their fatty acids will also help to increase your metabolism. Do not think that drinking pasteurized coconut water will give you the benefit though, you will have to consume it raw (this is available in most health food stores).  Coconut is great for people that have a slow metabolism. You can buy a whole coconut and drink the juice and eat the meat which is full of fiber. You can also dehydrate the coconut meat for a snack or blend the meat and juice into a smoothie.

Avocado

Avocado has a healthy form of fat that is used as slow burning energy in your body. It also helps reduce bad cholesterol. The types of fat you want to avoid for weight loss are trans fats and hydrogenated fats which are found in processed foods and especially fried foods. Your brain needs fat for energy so don’t make the mistake of cutting out all fat from your diet when you’re trying to lose weight. Avocados also contain omega  6, potassium, Vitamin E and folic acid. Avocados are considered a superfood because they contain about 20 essential vitamins. Remember, you body will feel hungry until it has the nutrients it needs.

Pear

Pears contain a very high amount of fiber that helps you stay full and helps you digest effectively. Most of the fiber is found in the skin so be sure to eat that as well. Pear juice is not a good substitute to eating pears because you will be missing on the fiber that you need to process the sugars in the pears.

Remember that it’s best to have 2-3 servings of fruit daily and pasteurized juice does not contain nearly the same nutrient content as unprocessed fresh fruit. Even juicing apples removes the fiber that will make you feel full so it’s better to eat the whole apple or put the fruit in a blender. Also try to eat organic fruit instead of conventional fruit because it will have a higher nutrient content and help reduce hunger cravings. Finally, keep in mind that frozen fruit loses some of the nutrient content so have fresh fruit if you can.

So you’re thinking of dating a divorced man or maybe you already are. Or perhaps you will date one in the future and this article will help you keep an open mind about getting to know him. Well here are some things to prepare yourself for including the potential advantages and challenges. Try to keep an open mind with this as it could be you in their shoes as the divorcee and you don’t want to assume they aren’t worth dating just because they are divorced. We often get scared that a man won’t be able to fully love us if he’s already been married.

Things to Consider

If you’ve never been married it can be intimidating to date someone who has already dedicated their lives so someone and possibly had children with them but let’s look at it realistically and realize that you’ve also felt deep love for someone else and you can’t hold it against someone. First you will want to find out why his relationship failed, how long he has been divorced and if he is actually fully divorced. These are all important to find out to protect yourself against getting involved with a man who is possibly not really emotionally available. It’s important to find out why his last relationship failed so you know what baggage he might have. If he has children, you will also need to be very secure to be able to deal with his ex-wife. That means you cannot allow yourself to get jealous and speak negatively about her.

Some Good Things

Don’t worry it’s not like dating a divorced man only brings challenges, there are certain advantages too! He will understand how to deal with a woman much better having already lived with a woman. He will be more mature and communicate better since he has some experience in a serious relationship. He will most likely be less wild and not enticed by little vixens that spell trouble and expensive dinners. Chances are he will be more established as well since married men usually are settled compared to bachelors who are younger and still playing the field in their career and in love. He will probably be more compassionate, especially if he has kids which get men in touch with their nurturing side.

Steps To Start Out

Remember that a divorced man is most likely going to be turned off by immature behaviors since they value commitment and have been in a serious relationship so try to be on your best behavior. Depending on how recent his last relationship was, don’t worry if his family and friends take a while to warm up to you, they want to protect him and that’s understandable. You don’t have to go out of your way to impress them just be yourself.

Don’t Rush The Relationship

Since this man has been through some pain, he will probably (not always) want to take things slowly. On the other hand, if he is codependent you may feel like he is rushing things and trying to fill the void of his ex-wife. Stay away from men who are not independent that want to spend every waking moment with you. Let him show you that he is emotionally stable overtime and will follow through with things to the best of his ability. It’s also important that he respects you when you tell him you want to take things slow. If he is not patient enough to get to know you and pressures you then he is not someone you want to be in a relationship with anyway.

Know What He Wants

Make sure he’s not on the rebound because that will only get you hurt. Make sure you know if he is now jaded about marriage and not wanting commitment. It’s ok to ask him what he learned from his past relationship and how that has changed what he’s looking for now. Don’t bring up his past unnecessarily because it might be painful for him and you want to look towards the future and focus on positive things.

How To Act If He Has Kids

It’s really important that you don’t let him introduce you to the kids right away. Kids often are traumatized by divorce and if they get attached to another person that just leaves, it can create long-term problems for them like separation anxiety or anger. Make sure you and the man really get along and see a few seasons before you meet the kids, for their sake. Remember it’s not your place to discipline the children and you really do not need to suck up to them. Don’t be fake because you’re nervous they aren’t going to like you. Just breathe and trust that whatever is supposed to happen will and be nice.

How To Handle The Ex

If his ex-wife is mean to you, just don’t give it a second thought. She is not the person you’re in a relationship with and you can have pity on your man for having to deal with her if she’s difficult. If she tries to be buddy with you just know that she may be trying to (subconsciously) get you away from her ex. Just keep a healthy distance and always be pleasant and neutral. If she is rude to you, you don’t have to cater to it, just stand up for yourself and set a healthy boundary but don’t complain to your man about her because it will just poison the relationship. If you feel like she’s butting in unnecessarily, don’t be afraid to ask him to talk to her about respecting your space and relationship. Sometimes when two people have been really close, it’s hard to find a healthy balance between friendship and too much interaction.

It’s important that you don’t put too much thought into his ex or over analyze her because it can drive you up the wall. Don’t compare yourself to her and don’t worry about their relationship. If they are still in communication because of shared assets or other matters just be understanding and loving of the situation and try to support your man because it might be hard for him. The more mature you can be and think about his feelings, the better. Always use kind words when you need to discuss something related to her so you don’t lower yourself by showing insecurities. Remember your man likes you and there is no need to be catty or territorial. Put yourself in her shoes too and realize it’s hard for her as well.

Consider Couples Therapy

If you feel like there are some residual issues that he’s bringing to the table, before you kick him to the curb, if you really love him, suggest couples therapy. He may not know how to handle the mix of emotions he’s having and just talking it out may iron out those kinks. Chances are he’s a reasonable man but if he’s not willing to work on himself and blames you for everything, this is probably why his past relationship failed as well.

Be willing to support him in the healing process as you will also learn from it. If he has a rough time sometimes, it’s ok and you can offer support to let him talk it out.

Don’t Expect To Be His Only Priority

If a man has kids he will have to look out for them first. He will seem very distracted compared to a man who can focus only on you. He will talk about his kids a lot and he will definitely spend lots of time with them. If you don’t like to put your feet in the dirt and you don’t like children, this may not be the man for you. When a man has kids you will need to be very flexible and know that children are unpredictable because they get sick, change their minds, get upset and also need to be driven to an ever changing schedule of activities. The kids will occupy most of his time and you may feel neglected but put things in perspective and realize how caring he is to these little human beings that depend on him.

Be Ready For Kid Friendly Activities

If he has kids you won’t have to completely give up on the idea of a romantic dinner date and when you do get one it will feel that much more special. Dinner with the kiddies can also be very special and remember that their family will probably be around more too which can be fun. Try to think of fun things to do with the kids like going to see a musical, going hiking or camping and having fun movie nights. Realize that if you act like the kids don’t exist and only think about yourself, they are very sensitive to your behaviors and will openly voice their opinions to your man if they feel like you don’t care for them. Don’t sabotage your relationship by being bitter about children, embrace them!

You should feel optimistic about dating a divorced man because he may be way more prepared to treat you with respect and be a great loving companion. Take your time, be patient and just be flexible to whatever situations arise because afterall, we are all only human.