Dating German Men
Dating can be confusing as it is, so when you add dating someone from a different culture it can get downright crazy. There are, of course, ways to navigate the waters, communication being the main one. Below you will find some cultural differences that may pop up when dating German men and also some general advice on how to deal with cultural differences.
He May Not Chat You Up
In America it’s common to walk up to someone and start talking randomly, in Germany less so. It’s not that the Germans don’t talk, but they tend to stick to themselves unless they are at a party or some other social gathering where the purpose is to meet new and old friends. So if you spot a hot guy in the supermarket and want to make contact, you will most likely have to do the talking and he may even get confused as to why you are talking to him.
Because of this you might find German men to be a bit shy as they are not as used to randomly talking to strangers. However, it’s not so much about being shy as it’s about it simply not being a custom. They don’t usually know how to walk up to strangers and start conversations as they haven’t witnessed it happening around them. This may also be why they like getting drunk and partying…
Chit Chatting Isn’t the Norm
In America it’s more common to approach people randomly and also to talk about random things. Everyone here tends to ask how you are doing and have a little chat with you without for that matter actually wanting to make friends with you. In Germany people tend to talk to make friends. This means they get into much deeper discussions and they will reply with a lot more candor to your questions. If you ask them how they are doing they will assume you ask as you want to know, not to be polite. Likewise, if you talk to them they will assume you do so because you want to get to know them, not because you are being polite (unless you are left alone with them in an uncomfortable situation, of course). They will also most likely end the conversation if they aren’t enjoying it.
Because they don’t chit chat as much, Germans might come across as more reserved. However, if you take the time to get to know them, they will open up to you.
If You Ask Their Opinion, Chances Are You Will Get It
Whilst Americans like glossing things over, Germans are much more to the point. So if you ask if that dress looks good on you, they will answer.
Dating Isn’t the Same Concept as in America
In America there are general rules for dating – you meet someone, you ask for their number or Facebook, or ask them out. Then you go for a couple of dates, eventually kiss and by the third to fifth date sex enters the picture, unless you express you want to wait further, but are still interested. Sex doesn’t mean you are in a relationship with them though, it doesn’t even mean you are exclusive. In Germany on the other hand, you don’t really date. You hang out with someone if you like them and if you get romantically involved you become a couple by default, which means you are pretty exclusive. It’s not necessarily a serious relationship , but you are trying out what it’s like being a couple, as opposed to trying out dating five different people simultaneously.
If you want to see others and not get exclusive, you have to talk to the guy about this from get-go or he will think you are messing around with him, unless, of course, he lives in America and is used to the scene over here.
Paying the Bill
Women in Germany often have careers of their own and don’t expect a man to pay the bill for them, nor do the guys expect to have to pay. Of course, some men are a bit more old-fashioned, but chances are he will expect you split the bill. If he is a student or has a job that doesn’t pay very much, he might even count on it.
Likewise, don’t expect him t pay for drinks at the bar if you meet him when out and about.
What to Bear in Mind
There are, of course, always exceptions to the norm and you might meet a German guy in America who is totally into the dating scene here, or he might have different views on dating and relationship than most Germans. The best thing to do is to ask.
In general, you have to talk in a friendly (not accusing) manner about things you find peculiar, or things you expect to happen that aren’t happening. Relationships are give and take and you will have to learn to adjust to how you both see dating.
Most cultural differences between Americans and Germans are minor and not big deal breakers (though the exclusivity thing might be), but it’s important to keep an open dialogue and build a relationship founded on trust where you feel free to share your thoughts with one another.
By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery
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Ms. Condused
October 2, 2018 at 2:01 am
Hi this article really helps. I just also wanna share my story. I met a german guy online and we became in a relationship after couple of months of talking online,
after a month of being in a relationship he decided to go in my country for us to meet and to meet my family when we met he seem really nice and gentleman. He is also talkative and funny, but one thing that I noticed after a week of being together he is not really that intimate and don’t wanna be so touchy, so it made me think why is he being like that? It seems like it’s only me who wanted him, also meeting my parents also didn’t happened coz my aunt passed away and he said he don’t wanna mixed in yet it made me wonder again so I went home to my family and when I got back I confronted him told him everything what’s on my mind and I told him that I think our relationship will not work coz I can’t really feel him as my boyfriend. I even saw him still chatting with other girls and met other girls in my country which he also met online which he claim to be just his friends and he is still on dating site just to find friends which he says clearly stated on his profile which I didn’t check. After saying that, I want to end the relationship he cried in front of me saying that he love me and he don’t want to end our relationship. So that night we agreed to work everything out.
The next week goes really well he’s really intimate. He always hold my hand, hug me and kiss me even we are outside the street or mall. He also pay all the bills that didn’t happened on our first week after that confrontation everything goes really well, he even talked about marraige and having family with me, asking me where do I want to live, planning what kind of house to buy and even planning on buying properties here in my country. Then when it’s time for him to go back in Germany he told me not to feel sad coz we will see each other again though there is no concrete plan and exact date when is that. When he got back he texted me saying that he arrived safely. At first it seems fine we still talk like before, but as days passed by he became cold and cold like he didn’t call me, didn’t text me like the way he used to. There are also time that he only seen my message didn’t even say goodnight nor good morning and on my birthday I saw him online early in the morning but didn’t greet me, I waited but still got no message from him. So I decided to message him at 11 I said ” good morning I love you ” he replied ” happy birthday ” I said ” thank you I hope you doing well ” but he just seen that again and didn’t reply, we always goes like that. I asked him what’s happening send him long message explaining my feelings and thoughts but all he said was ” you seem panicked, please don’t worry, I love you ” he said that but till now he is still acting the same, do you think he has another girlfriend and just playing with me? Or didn’t he love me anymore or is he not interested anymore? I’m really confused. We also don’t have any picture together even we already met coz he doesn’t want to, he said that he just don’t want to take pictures. Please give me your opinion especially to all german out there. Are German really that cold when it comes to relationship? I’m really confused and son’t know what to do. I don’t know if there is really something wrong or I am just overthinking.
web admin
October 2, 2018 at 9:08 pm
People of different cultures have different ways of nourishing relationships. Additionally, each person has a different way of navigating their emotions. His behaviors are reflections of his thoughts and feelings. He feels as though he is acting appropriately. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. There may be a variety of reasons why he is not willing to take a photograph. Have a great day, Condused!
Ms. Condused
October 2, 2018 at 2:00 am
Hi this article really helps. I just also wanna share my story. I met a german guy online and we became in a relationship after couple of months of talking online,
after a month of being in a relationship he decided to go in my country for us to meet and to meet my family when we met he seem really nice and gentleman. He is also talkative and funny, but one thing that I noticed after a week of being together he is not really that intimate and don’t wanna be so touchy, so it made me think why is he being like that? It seems like it’s only me who wanted him, also meeting my parents also didn’t happened coz my aunt passed away and he said he don’t wanna mixed in yet it made me wonder again so I went home to my family and when I got back I confronted him told him everything what’s on my mind and I told him that I think our relationship will not work coz I can’t really feel him as my boyfriend. I even saw him still chatting with other girls and met other girls in my country which he also met online which he claim to be just his friends and he is still on dating site just to find friends which he says clearly stated on his profile which I didn’t check. After saying that, I want to end the relationship he cried in front of me saying that he love me and he don’t want to end our relationship. So that night we agreed to work everything out.
The next week goes really well he’s really intimate. He always hold my hand, hug me and kiss me even we are outside the street or mall. He also pay all the bills that didn’t happened on our first week after that confrontation everything goes really well, he even talked about marraige and having family with me, asking me where do I want to live, planning what kind of house to buy and even planning on buying properties here in my country. Then when it’s time for him to go back in Germany he told me not to feel sad coz we will see each other again though there is no concrete plan and exact date when is that. When he got back he texted me saying that he arrived safely. At first it seems fine we still talk like before, but as days passed by he became cold and cold like he didn’t call me, didn’t text me like the way he used to. There are also time that he only seen my message didn’t even say goodnight nor good morning and on my birthday I saw him online early in the morning but didn’t greet me, I waited but still got no message from him. So I decided to message him at 11 I said ” good morning I love you ” he replied ” happy birthday ” I said ” thank you I hope you doing well ” but he just seen that again and didn’t reply, we always goes like that. I asked him what’s happening send him long message explaining my feelings and thoughts but all he said was ” you seem panicked, please don’t worry, I love you ” he said that but till now he is still acting the same, do you think he has another girlfriend and just playing with me? Or didn’t he love me anymore or is he not interested anymore? I’m really confused. We also don’t have any picture together even we already met coz he doesn’t want to, he said that he just don’t want to take pictures. Please give me your opinion especially to all german out there. Are German really that cold when it comes to relationship? I’m really confused and son’t know what to do. I don’t know if there is really something wrong or I am just overthinking.
web admin
October 2, 2018 at 9:06 pm
People of different cultures have different ways of nourishing relationships. Additionally, each person has a different way of navigating their emotions. His behaviors are reflections of his thoughts and feelings. He feels as though he is acting appropriately. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. There may be a variety of reasons why he is not willing to take a photograph. Have a great day, Condused!
Hanni
June 18, 2018 at 10:11 pm
german guy is confusing 😂 they’re honest and direct yet you cant “read” them
web admin
June 18, 2018 at 11:41 pm
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. Please share more of your experiences and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Hanni!
Hannah
June 18, 2018 at 10:08 pm
i met a german guy online on video random chat like Omegle but i dont remember its name. he was so polite didn’t like other guys who only wanted to have fun on cam. he asked my skype, he said hi and called me but I wasn’t online, i answer few days later but he was on vacation with his family and he replied a week later. we didnt talk much only msg once a week also we rarely got online together. about a month later finally we had a chance to video call. I thought it would be boring bc he seemed not really interested on chatting with me but we had video call for 4 hours and we talked about random things. he’s such a nice guy, not flirty but once he compliments me he really mean it. after we ended the call we didn’t chat much again, but once we vid call we could do for more than 2 hours.
everything you say in this article mostly true, he said that he’s shy when it comes to women (but im more shy than him lol), he doesn’t like small talk, he love beer sausages music and fußball, he’s brutally honest, respectful, everything he said really mean it, and also funny.
since we always do vid call we we’re getting closer, he started to call me sweetheart, gave me heart and kiss emotions and i then i suddenly fall for him. few months later at the end of vid call i told him that I like him and he said that he liked me too but not like i have for him. i was so sad I thought he liked me too and tbh that was my first confession, he said that he was so happy that i have that feeling for him and he appreciated my courage but he told me “at the same time it sucks if only we live here in Germany together maybe we could make the difference”
and then i realized that German guys are really realistic. i was really so sad and i couldn’t hold my tears, i cried a lot in front of him during vid call, i hung up but he called me again so i have no choice.
i thought that what’s the point talking to him, he doesn’t like me and he just rejected me, i told him that i didnt want to talk or to see him anymore bc it hurt so bad and i wanna move on, but he said that he didnt want that bc he would be sad not to talk or see me anymore, he asked me if he still could send me a message and i said yeah it’s ok, he also said that “i hope you will find a guy who loves you but i would be a little bit jealous then 😅”
that confused me why would he jealous when he doesn’t have any feelings for me but whatever.
tbh i still like him i cant find any guys with such personalities like his, he’s just really my type. and even though he’s german he’s gentleman and would like to pay the bill on the first date.
we still chat, just friendly chat, but i can feel like nothing’s happened, no awkward at all, and i feel that the way he talks to me kinda sweeter and more caring than before lol tbh i dont understand him.
web admin
June 18, 2018 at 11:41 pm
He feels an emotional connection and cars for you. He is aware that this a long distance relationship is difficult to maintain. He may be interested in nourishing a relationship with you in the future. He may have other influences in his life at this time. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him a chance to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Hannah!
Kana
January 11, 2018 at 3:05 am
Hello, this article is very helpful thanks!
web admin
January 11, 2018 at 9:03 pm
Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Have a great day, Kana!
Hanna
January 10, 2018 at 5:56 pm
Hello,
Thank you for the article about German guys as I met a German guy. Let me ask you please!
I met a German guy on online a year ago. Actually I don’t remember exactly what we talked. I think he asked me to give some tips about my country as he was going to visit soon. We exchanged Facebook and started to talk on FB messenger. He wanted meet me in my country but I live in another country so we didn’t meet up in my country when he visited. We didn’t talk much on message but he sent me some photos when he was in my country. After he came back to Germany he asked me to do Skype. We tried to do but in the end we didn’t match the time at all and didn’t keep in touch anymore. After7 months, somehow we started talk again. It was last November. He said he is so wandering why I don’t have a bf. he also told me it before. I told him I wants to have a serious relationship but not many people looking for it in here. And he also said he is looking for something serious. He even said that maybe with me (I haven’t timed it seriously tho) He said I am 100% his type by pictures. I said I don’t know if you are my type as he doesn’t have many pics. Anyway since we started to talk again, he said he wants to come to see me after Christmas. We started to paln what we will do when he comes. We also did Skype few times. And then He really got flight tickets which is not cheep. I live in London by the way so not that far. Long story short, he came to visit me from the first January. I picked up him at the station and he brought me so many German sweets and some presents which is so sweet of him. There was another my friend so we did sightseeing together. I thought he was quiet person but not at all. He is very talkative and actually he has nice sense of humour. I had quite good feeling from the first day. This sound crazy maybe but he stayed at my house. We kissed and also had sex on first day. I was so regret as he seems bit cold after sex. But day by day we got along really well. We have same value, same taste of music, foods, sense of humour… We laughed a lot together. What makes me so smile is when we went to super market, he got me Macaroon and Sushi(I am Japanese) every time. On third day, we went to Bath and stayed there a night. When we choose the hotel, he was considering if it’s good design or not as I am involved to interior design. I felt really sweet of him about it. Nobody did this to me in my life honestly. I felt how he cares about me. Also he paid for it (I asked to separate pay but he refused). And it was so cold so he putted his hat on me and held my hand when we walked. There’s so many things what he did something sweet. Also he carried my water all the time. Very very kind. There’s one more that he kissed my forehead so often instead of lips. I don’t know what does it mean but I felt being care and protect by him. Anyway next day we explored the city and we found a leather shop in a market and he got us same bracelets. He said this is for our friendship! Long story short, We went to some other cities for few days. The last day, we were preparing to go to nightclub. He passed me our bracelets to wear without say anything which was so cute! We went to a nightclub and danced together. He said he will miss me and I am a special girl for him. He asked me to call his name. And he called me my name. I really felt connection with him. When we sleep, we don’t really cuddling but the last night, we Cuddled a bit. We haven’t talked about our relationship anything. But we said we will go to Switzerland together ( didn’t plan exactly at all). The last day, we went to a market and had lunch together. And then I took him to the station. I hate to say good bye but didn’t show it cause I believe we can meet again. He said thank you for a week, he enjoyed so much with me. I said I did too so much. And he told me to come to Germany. I said of course yes I will. And we kessed many times and said see ya.
So here’s I am confusing now. After he arrived Germany, he texted me that he arrived safely and thanks for a week. And his doctor was his house when he back so he got some medicine for throat so I should go to see doctor too. ( we both had sore throats). I replied him thanks too and don’t forget me. And he said “we keep in touch. I like you 😘” I told him, “I like you too 😘 We are a good team!” And then I haven’t hear from him. It’s been 3days. Actually today was his birthday so I sent him a message and our video(I made it ). He told me he will celebrate with his family so that’s why he hasn’t reply to me yet… But I am afraid that he will disappear. I am not in love him yet but I like him very much. And I thought he feels the same why by his behaviour. Do you think he came to visit me just for have fun?? Or he is playing game?? Or he is just busy?? I am trying to not think about him but I can’t stop… What should I do??
web admin
January 11, 2018 at 8:50 pm
It sounds like you have a strong emotional connection with him. He has shared his plans for the day with you. He is spending time with his family. Give him the time and space that he requests, as you will find that your relationship will grow stronger. Have a great day, Hanna!
Linda
January 15, 2018 at 9:28 pm
I think woman’s instinct is quite accurate. I think the distance is an obstacle. I think if he really interested in pursuing in this relationship, he will message and call you regularly and make concrete plans with you. Don’t be discouraged if he does not reach out to you. I think you should date local guys, since many men have commitment issues.
I also have a German friend who I values so much. He calls me everyday and makes plans to travel together when we are free. However, the distance is really an issue, so we just remains friends now. An honest and transparent conversation about each other’s expectation is very important. If he cannot give you what you wants (pursuing a long distance relationship), just give up and don’t waste your time.
web admin
January 16, 2018 at 6:21 pm
Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. Feel free to share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Linda!
Anchor
December 15, 2017 at 9:40 am
This site has really been [email protected] admin for the writeup.I am an African young Lady. I recently met a German guy online and the conversation has been great and promising.He promised to obtain leave in January or February to visit me in my Country so that we can get to know each other better. He’s very succinct and brief while I’m the opposite always wanting to be detailed but I’m gradually becoming accustomed to his short responses.I hope our relationship progress and flourish… I will like to share my experiences in time and get helpful advices, thanks.
web admin
December 15, 2017 at 8:28 pm
Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Please feel free to share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Anchor!
Karen
October 3, 2017 at 7:20 pm
I am a girl from Montreal in mid 20s. When I traveled to Germany this early August, I was using tinder in Munich and somehow I was matched with a German guy. It was hard to meet people who share similar interests like mine (alpine skiing, rock climbing and mountain biking), so I was excited. After chatting on Tinder, he proposed to meet me and have a coffee, but unfortunately, I needed to take an airplane back home the next day, so I did not meet him.
At first, I thought he would stop messaging me. However, he continues to message everyday. Now we chat around 5-6 times a week (about 1-3 hours each time). We talk about everything from outdoor activities/traveling to politics/social issues, and we both enjoy the time being “together”on skype and facebook messenger. He mentioned about finding a research summer job in my city (he is a PhD student), and he also suggested we ski together in Alps. I also invited him to come to Montreal and we can do some climbing and biking. However, nothing is concrete.
It has been nearly 2 months that we have been chatting. I really want to meet this guy and see if we are really a good match. After all, chatting through skype or facebook more than 12 hours per week is quite a lot of time for me. And I really want to know if this man is the same as I thought.
I am thinking to ask him if we should really meet up and talk about “real meeting”. However, I don’t want to be the one who seems desperate. I wonder for people with long distance online dating, when do people start talking about meeting up. 🙂 Thank you!
web admin
October 3, 2017 at 8:31 pm
You will not sound desperate if you attempt to reach out to him. Take this time to determine what you want for your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Make an attempt to spend time with him in person. If you want to visit him, then do so. If you think it would be more reasonable that he visits you, then allow him to come and visit you. Have a great day, Karen!
Karen
October 4, 2017 at 7:15 pm
Thank you so much! Life is short and I really need to take initiative 🙂
web admin
October 4, 2017 at 9:06 pm
Feel free to share your experiences and insights. It will certainly help others who will face similar situations in the future. Have a great day, Karen!
Karen
October 21, 2017 at 8:04 pm
Thank you for your suggestions. I finally gathered my courage today and proposed to meet up (we used skype video chat). I have to do this. 🙂 I need to make changes.
I told him that I think we should meet up and see if the connection is real or not. He said he has thought about meeting me, but he was thinking that I may visit Europe next year (I travel to Europe every 1-3 year), and he can meet up with me. From what he said, I can feel that he seems not very interested in meeting me in Montreal (even though he said a few times that he thought about meeting me in Canada).
I felt disappointed about what he said, so I explained to him why I think I should meet up. I told him that I really enjoy having conversation with him every evening, but I do not have conversation with people who are not interested in meeting up. I stated that I am a very practical person. I said I prefer meeting people in real life. I pointed out that online makes thing very unreal, and I would like to make some changes. I said I wanted to be transparent and honest about how I feel. I also proposed that if we meet, we can share cost.
I wonder if i am too direct. But I feel I have to. I started feeling tired of just chatting with him through video skype. It takes away too much of my time and emotional energy. And the most important thing, I want to meet him to see if there’s a real connection.
we talked about that for about 1.5 hour about this meeting thing. He said he is impressed that I proposed first because he usually do not propose since it can give people some pressure. I asked him if I give him some pressure. He didn’t answer directly. He said, “I will think about this and make a plan.”
Later, we talked about something else for about 1 hour (mostly about politics that we used to talk about). At the end of conversation, he told me not to think he was reluctant to make decision immediately. He said there’s some constraints. He said he does not want to make empty promise. However, he said he will let me know his decision.
I am glad that I made the first move and ask for a concrete “meet up plan”. No matter what decision he made, I will respect that, I won’t chat with him if he has no intention meeting up. If he cannot make decision in the next few days about when to meet, I will decrease the frequency of chatting with him since I think this road is going to be tough.
Thank you again!
web admin
October 22, 2017 at 6:33 pm
It is great that you have discussed your thoughts and feelings with him. You will find many benefits in this relationship and in your other relationships as you continue to communicate. Pleas share your experiences and insights in the future. Have a great day, Karen!
Karen
October 22, 2017 at 10:24 pm
Thank you so much for your reply. I hope I can share some good experience in the future.
Ari
September 28, 2017 at 3:27 am
Hi, I am 37y.o mother single with 2 kids. I met a German man from dating site. He said hi, sent me his interest then I wrote back. We’ve been chatting and talk to get to know each others for 4 months now. Nice and warm chat. He is so nice. Once he said going to my country. I lived Indonesia. And yes, he is coming, but different town, he is coming for work. He said he is going to meet me after his finished working. And yes we met. I m just surprise he really meet me. I m so happy. I think Herman man is so honest, he is not like’ to much talk but what he has said he make it. And all about you write here..It is so true. Thank you so much, its helping mr how to be more open up with him. Be ourself. Thank you
web admin
September 28, 2017 at 9:06 pm
Thank you for sharing your positive experiences. It sounds as though you have developed a strong relationship with this person. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. You will find great benefit in spending time with him in person when he visits you. Have a great day, Ari!
Mia
September 6, 2017 at 11:29 pm
Thanks for your article.
I met a German guy from dating app. After first met, he said he really want to know me more and know that I’m his baby. We met several times after only in 1 week and he must come back to Germany (he came to my country for a several weeks because of job’s require).
1st week, everything was good. He asked if I could wait until next trip to my country, depend on my feeling. I said yes, I will wait him.
We texted a lots, show that how much we miss each other. Sometimes he is the first send mess but he said I’m too busy and we in different time zone . But, day after day, he didn’t text me first anymore, said he was so busy and stress even weekdays, no mess. If I ask, just replied after several hours.
1-2 times, I asked if he didn’t miss me or he don’t want me anymore, he always said he miss me a lot, I’m his baby (100% every time he send me mess). I know he is busy but don’t have a min to send me a mess?
Just 1 month since we met. I don’t know if I push him a lot
Is he lost interested in me? How can I know that he want relationship with me? It will be LDR, it’s hard for both.
web admin
September 7, 2017 at 1:30 pm
It is likely that the distance between the two of you has caused his interest to fade. This is common with relationships that are long distance. Take this time to determine if you want to continue to nourish your relationship. If you do, then reach out to him. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Mia!
Archii
June 19, 2017 at 2:19 pm
Hi
Nice article. I am an Indian girl . Living in India . Recently got a Facebook request from a German guy who stays near my place in India. He is here for work .He flirt sometimes and sometimes he doesn’t .He wants to meet.he even asked if I am single and finds me cute.i am planning to meet him over weekend or so but I am not sure if it will be a date or casual meet? If you can help with few tips or do’s and don’t’s while I meet him ?
Thanks in advance
web admin
June 19, 2017 at 3:33 pm
Every person is different, though there are some ways to influence your budding relationship in a positive way. Be yourself, so if you want to dress casual, then do so. Speak directly and honestly with him about your feelings, as honestly is appreciated by every person of every culture. Allow him to speak his mind as well, and learn how to navigate any cultural differences that the two of you may have. Have a great day, Archii!
Archii
June 20, 2017 at 7:09 am
Thank you so much. The more I talk to him , I find him very charming and nice guy. I hope I feel the same when I meet him . Thank you for your reply .?
web admin
June 20, 2017 at 5:42 pm
It is great that the two of you are having excellent conversations. Have a great day, Archii!
Mollie
February 22, 2017 at 3:59 pm
I live with a German guy, the first day I moved in I knew I liked him. It’s just him and I living together and everyday I can’t wait to see him. I open up to him like no one else and he tells me everything too. We’ve been having meals out together and going to bars. Our knees will touch and neither of us will pull away. It feels like we are practically in a relationship. We even cuddle on the couch and have tickle fights, sometimes we flirt like mad. Every night could turn into something more but he just gets up and goes to bed. I’ve been living with him for over a month and a half. I tend to make the first move with guys but don’t want to pressure him. Do you think this is just typical of German guys? Is there a way I can find out how he feels without playing games?
web admin
February 23, 2017 at 11:30 am
He is not playing games with you. He likely has an interest in developing a relationship with you. He is likely confused or concerned about your feelings for him. He may be concerned that if he makes the first move that he will be rejected. You should make the first move. Take whatever action you are comfortable with taking at this time. He will respond in a positive manner. Best of luck, Mollie!
Mollie
February 24, 2017 at 1:34 am
Thank you
Sara
January 28, 2017 at 2:58 pm
Hoping to see if any advice on my situation…
A bit over a year ago I met a german guy on my New Years trip. We met at a beer garden and we talked for an hour or two and just as he was about to leave I asked if we could be facebook friends since i would be leaving back to america soon. He agreed, and when we became facebook friends we started messaging on messenger we talked for about 4 months on there daily it was a continuing conversation. In the sense of no hi or bye, good morning or good night ect. just replying off the previous day topic. sometimes he reply a couple of times a day sometimes just once and sometimes ever once a week. That definitely kinda annoyed me so i finally told him “he didnt have to reply if he didn’t want to talk to me” He apologized and said it was because messenger didnt really worked for him and he suggested WhatsApp to talk to each other. once we started talking on WhatsApp he got a little more attentive at 1st but then he went to replying only once a day again so i started doing the same… after 2 months of that he stopped replying. So in all we had continuing conversations for 6 months…. I would also like to mention that my texting style is i only reply if you message or reply to me i just feel like i bother them… i mimic how people are towards me in a way .. so it was always he sends one i send one.. okay moving on .. after about 2 months of not talking but me still being pretty into him i decided to add him on snapchat since i had his number…when he accepted he messaged me and started talking like normal and said it had been awhile, he started snaping me once in awhile about what he was doing and i did the same… and again at first there were a couple of message exchanges at the beginning but after awhile we were back to one reply him, one reply me per day … and that actually dosent bother me anymore.. we are countries away and he has his life going on as do I… occasionally he wont reply until the next day ex. replays Monday and replays on Wednesday … this does tend to bother me because i know he has been online on Tuesday since whatapp shows when someone has last been online.
I know all this is a jumbled mess but that is our jumbled mess backstory, with horrible grammar structure. (Sorry about that) The point after all that is that we have been talking a bit more than a year now.
There are days when he gets a little flirty with me and days when he just comes off as cold, but its a txt so thats complicated to say. I am not looking for a long distance relationship at the moment but i do care about him enough to want something a little more serious with him in the future. Since, I am planing to move to Spain in a year and we be much closer than now. He has become an important person to me and I just wish I knew if he has genuine feelings for me, or if he even cares for me in the sense I do. I just freak out and feel he still talks to me out of politeness. Our conversation isnt centered in “us” or relationship things but random fun things about life and nothing and everything. I love that in the long run i want a relationship with my best friend not just something filled with lust. I just do not want to keep hoping for something with him, if he doesnt care. I havent asked him directly because if he doesnt see me as something more than i friend. i wouldnt like to ruin what we have. so im just trying to decode.
web admin
January 29, 2017 at 12:24 pm
If you do not want to establish a long distance relationship with him, then do not concern yourself about his slow replies. If you want to become closer to him, then put in the effort that is needed. You may find that your relationship will continue hitting a wall unless one of you takes action to visit the other. Your best option is to attempt to see him again. Best of luck, Sara!
Chloe
December 11, 2016 at 7:26 pm
I need some kind insights/help from fellow readers please.
I have been talking to a German guy for almost two months and we finally went out. Things were going very well and we met every week consistently for three weeks and he expressed his interest for me throughout. We also started holding hands. The first time he kissed me, he was very adorable and polite as he asked if it was alright for him to kiss me. He also actively texted me his location when he was traveling out of town for work. However we are not big fan of texting so we don’t exchange texts every other minute but would text everyday just to say our greetings. I like him a lot as he is always genuine and kind. But after the third date (after he tried to crack a really dry joke to inform me that he is back in town and I replied with sarcasm because he unknowingly offended me), he stopped texting me actively.
So I decided to text him first for the first time to ask when he wanted to hang out again. He gave me a smiley when he received my text but told me he was busy over the weekend. He did explain in detail (who bothers to explain in detail if they are not interested?) what exactly he was busy with eg “so sorry *inserts my name, I needed the whole day to clean up my room and do etc”, I found his replies to be sincere but however not sure if that is because he was just being polite in rejection because he did not exactly replied to my question about when he was free to hang out again. The female hormonal side of me also thinks that something is wrong since he doesn’t text his goodnights to me anymore haha!
I would really appreciate any form of insights from fellow readers. Thank you!
web admin
December 12, 2016 at 9:40 am
Keep acting like you normally would and give it a week to see if things return to normal. If he is still distant after a week, then he may be moving on. If he returns to normal within the week, then he was probably just busy and was being completely genuine about it. Don’t panic yet, act like normal and see what happens. Good luck!
Chloe
December 12, 2016 at 4:15 pm
Thank you Maria. I was thinking if I should text him to clear the air about how he unknowingly offended me and see if there is any misunderstanding. If he actually moved on then at least I don’t have to ponder and wonder what went wrong.
web admin
December 13, 2016 at 1:08 pm
If you feel like it would be best to clear the air, then do so. If you find that he is interested in talking with you at that time, then do what you feel is right. It is often helpful to have closure, as your questions may stop bothering you at that time. Remain positive as you move forward. Best of luck, Chloe!
Southerngrl
February 15, 2016 at 8:50 am
Thank you Maria!!! Yes I am willing to take the risk with him. Can’t wait to see how it goes. I’m patient so only time will tell and distance (lol)
web admin
February 15, 2016 at 8:59 am
Good luck! 🙂 I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!
Southerngrl
February 15, 2016 at 3:46 am
Thank you for your reply. Absolutely! he knows I will make time for him no matter how busy I am. So my work, school, etc is not a problem. I told him I’m flexible to make time for him. If he was to tell me today he want me to fly to see him for the weekend I’m already planning it to leave out that Friday. The thing is he is also busy too (feels like he’s more busier than me) but he still replies back to me right away. He’s really comfortable around me and a gentleman. Just that I’m so use to my culture that I’m use to hearing I miss you, etc. so when he don’t say those things it kind of make me feel as maybe I like him more than he does with me. So I became distant at one point because of listening to one of my friends but she advised because we are long distances from one another than he is probably doing his thing while I’m here in the south just waiting. Usually one would say go with your intuition on how you feel. I just feel calm and at ease with no worries. If he didn’t like me like that would he have said it already? I’m not going to lie I did fall for him and being very patient. I told him yesterday happy valentines day. His reply was “happy Valentine’s Day sweetie”. It truly made my day.
web admin
February 15, 2016 at 8:40 am
If he did not like you, he probably would not have said “Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetie”. From the sound of his behavior and texts, it seems like he most likely likes you. As long as you are okay with the long distance aspect and the long wait for his return, go ahead and be in the relationship. You will never know what could be possible unless you take that risk, and it seems like he could like you. Good luck, Southerngrl!
Southerngrl
February 13, 2016 at 3:49 pm
I met a German guy at a friends party here in the US. He started talking to me first which I was the one shy there until my friend and her spouse came. We chatted up a bit and exchanged numbers. Later that night we went out to end our friend party with a bang. While talking and such he said that someone thought we were dating (by the way we were conversating you would have thought we’ve known each other for years but that was the first time meeting). We danced and then he walked me outside and kissed me. My heart started racing! Never had that happen before. Our friend was looking for us so we walked back inside. I was so fluttered that I decided to leave. He ran back out to stop me and said he was sorry (I guess he wanted to spend time with me but cause of our friend it was just a crazy night). I left with a smile. Next day he text me. We talked and met later that night but just to see each other because he was leaving to go back up north (Still in the US). We kept in touch but since he works a lot (3 jobs) we would text. Next month I made plans to visit and I went, he picked me up, stayed with him, enjoyed everything! When I left he gave me a hug and a kiss bye. However I’m becoming busy with work and now I’m back studying but I would text him and he would reply back right away. I usually initiate the messages. Well one day I decided to tell him how I felt which is I want to be with him but given the fact we are far from each other and our personal lives it’s difficult. He didn’t say anything. Not even as I see you as a friend. Maybe he is just shy when it comes to expressing his feeling and more of as let me show you kind of person. The last thing he wrote when I said have a good night Hun he said good night sweetie sleep tight. Made me feel special but is this the norm or should I just say screw it and just look at it as I’m just a friend or he just like me but not how I like him.
web admin
February 14, 2016 at 5:30 pm
If he did like you, hearing that you are too busy for a relationship may have stopped his interest in you. He may think you were trying to brush him off and let him own easy, or he may just realize that a relationship is not possible right now. It is also possible that he realized by reading that message that you like him, and he feels uncomfortable about leading you on. Any option seems possible right now, although it seems most likely that he is interested. Getting along with you that well, texting all the time and trying to spend more time with you are all signs that he likes you. Nothing is for sure, but it seems possible. If you do like him, would you be able to date him considering how busy you are?
Xcarl
December 29, 2015 at 4:05 pm
Ijust meet a moth ago a German guy and we did have a good connection. But Is because some strange stuff happened
Wenh he looked me for the fist time he just frizzy and could dont talk he said that he just enjoyed looking at me And he stay 1:145 minuts just looking me
Is it normal
1 hour and 45 minut .lol
But today he saying that hes is not in the mood to smiling
Sad and i fell horrible
He said that in so beautiful and he only want to look me
I dont show my body to no man unless he is my fiance…i just like him so much ..i do like him
web admin
January 3, 2016 at 2:11 am
All you have described is that he looks at you for long periods of time. Does your relationship go past that? Have you ever gone on a date, had a long conversation or really talked about what you guys want in life? If you think that he likes you (and he is obviously physically attracted to you, at least), then why don’t you ask him on a date and get to know him better? You will never find out if your connection is truly real unless you explore it and get to know him better.
Julia
August 27, 2015 at 6:42 am
Hi Maria,
Thank you for responding back to me. Sorry I took so long in getting back to you. But you are so right about everything, he told me what was bothering him was his family and that why he pull back.
I feel he work hard at wooing me and now he feels that he has me and we are making long term plans he does not need to do the same thing as earlier on when we started to speak.
My birthday was a week ago and he send me a recording singing me Happy Birthday, I think that was so sweet of him. And from what I read about German Guys that is a lot of what I am receiving from him. Also I have to keep in mind we are from different cultures, I am British and he is German and I live in the US working, and the men here are different than Germans.
I am learning about Germans Guys, he always let me know when he has to go out with friends or family or to a party. But you are so right when you tell me that in a long distance relationship, you have to assume the best always, so what I’m doing if I do not hear from him I would reach out and text him. Things went back to normal with us, and then he started back to pull back but this time he told me he had problems but did not want to put anything on me, because I work and travel a lot and my job is stressful. So I am letting have his space, I did not hear from him yesterday so I text him at night time my time and a couple hours late he text me back greeting me darling and he misses me so much.
For me I had to get use to him being German because American Guys tells you a lot of things they do not mean. And I had to get use to German Guys mean what they say. I had ask him recently if he still wanted me to move in and he did not hesitate he said yes.
I am in the Washington D.C. area. And I see you are in the West Cost Area. Are you British also? I prefer to date European Guys over American that is just my preference. One of my friends had call him to find out about Germany she is planning to move there, she said he was so shy he would just chuckle when she told him thanks for making my friend happy and that she loves you. She said he sounded head over heels over me. I told her in general they say German guys are shy, but he was not shy with me. I notice German guys are not that talkative as American or British Guys. I talk a lot sometimes, he mention once to me that women talk a lot and I ask him if I did he said no, but I know I do I am a Lawyer, we tend to talk a lot :}
I want to thank you for encouraging me to keep my chin up and being so positive. I am doing so, because I have fallen in love with this handsome German Guy, he also has fallen for me.
Thank You.
Best Regards,
Julia
web admin
August 27, 2015 at 7:15 pm
I am so glad that everything is working out for you, Julia! Long distance relationships are difficult, but it makes it easier if you just assume the best–which is even easier since you have already found someone that you trust. Good luck on your relationship, and it is great to hear back about how everything is going! 🙂
Julia
August 5, 2015 at 5:32 pm
Hi Maria,
Thank you for the article you wrote about German guys. I met a German guy online. I live in the US but I am from the Uk. We have been talking everyday through texting and phone calls, he is very sweet we have been talking about month now. I am planning to move back to the Uk but he is studying he told me he can not move anywhere until he is finish with his studies which would be in another two and half years. I told him that is ok. H e ask if I can move in with him, and I know this is a big step for a German guy. I told him I would love to but have to work out details about my job I travel for work all over the world. He told me he has told his family about me and his friends.
A few days ago he started to pull back so I came out and told if he was tired talking with me be upfront and let me know and in the event I would not bother him, he text back telling me no darling he just got busy I was on phone with a friend. He call seven times so when I got off I call him he did not say much about why he change or address what I wrote. So I left it alone the next day same thing he normally would send me a text in the morning no text. he sent a picture of himself later on in the day and told me he misses me, and that was it. So later on I text him he did not answer right away he eventually did and I and we text and then we spoke on the phone I had a long talk with him letting him no matter I would be there for him in his corner and he can speak to me about anything that is bothering him, he said something to do with his family and work. He said he was not sure about things in his life, so I ask him if it was me he was not sure about he told me that was the one thing he was sure about.
We have both fallen for one another but the next day he still acting distance towards me so I texting him letting him know I am here for him if he needed me to talk with, and let him have his space. So he is not texting the way he use to so and yesterday I left him alone and after 12 his time I receive a text from him saying he loves me. I answer him back we exchange a few texts then I ask if I can call him but instead he call me right away he sounded depress and tired we spoke for about 10 minutes, and he fell asleep on me so I hang up and this morning when I woke he greet me with good morning but I was busy with work so I did not text back right away so he send a text a couple hours after saying he miss me so much. But I could tell he is still in a depress mode and not himself I text him letting him know that I am her for him unconditional and that I miss him to and put a smiley face and he question the type of smiley face I put on the text. He seems touchy still and I don”t know what to make out this I need help on this I have a lot of feeling for him and have fallen for him.
Thank you
Julia
web admin
August 6, 2015 at 6:20 pm
If he is just busy and stressed from school/work/family, then he could be feeling touchy because you keep asking him if things are okay with your relationship. Right now, it sounds like he just needs space and he is doing his best to balance everything. If he says that he loves you and has asked you to move in with him, then trust him. It seems like he has been fairly straightforward about what he wants to this point, so just trust him when he tells you that he is trying to get everything figured out. In a long distance relationship, you have to just assume the best always because it is so easy to misinterpret a forgotten text, a misspoken word or a tired phone call. Keep your chin up and assume the best! Good luck!
Julie
June 1, 2018 at 12:53 am
Good article !currently I am (so called) date a german guy, I knew him thru online dating site (ods) we start talking each and every day since September 2017, despite of our different timezone ( i am 6 hours ahead him, I am currently living in Malaysia and he is in berlin) we constantly talking every day. first we just chatting thru the apps…because of the apps work very slow, then we move to skype, I am not really using Skype so I ask for his whatsapp number but he “ignore” my text lol. so I assume maybe he did not want to give his private number to someone he just know (especially from online). then after 3 months chatting thru skype, he offer if we could Just chat in whatsapp gave me his number and we start talking in Whatsapp. during our 3 months chatting, we already plan for meet up.he plan to visit me this summer (July 2018) his profession is a teacher, so he got a lot of school holiday. he told me that during Easter break (end of march – April) he plan to visit Brazil, I put my courage to tell him Why not he just visit me during his easter break ? and He agreed ! so we just met last March, he visit me for 10 days during his easter break. we had a good time, and we really connect to each other in real. he share something very personal when we meet in real, he said he prefer to share it when we meet face to face.he ask me if I can accept for who he is. and I said YES. I respect his honesty and being open to me, after he went back. we back to our long distance life. he is very smart and nice guy, he is straightforward and know what he want. but the most important thing is he always keep his words.
the only problem I have with him is, he is not really a text person. so he look very stiff in chat and not talking a lot in text. but when we do voice/video call he is completely different and so talkative hahaha. but due to our timezone different and also both of us are working, we only do video/voice call during weekend. we text each other everyday just for some short update and make sure we are both doing OK. he is not so much flirting or someone who can give sweet words like I miss you etc, but he show his love in a different way. like since we knew each other, he teach for extra class to get more income so that he can come and visit me often, or he try to cut unnecessary thing so he can save more for our future. which I think It’s something really sweet ! we still try to work out to close the distance 🙂 either I relocated to Germany or he will apply for job in Malaysia. He is coming to visit me again coming October. overall It is really good experience to date a german guy 🙂
web admin
June 2, 2018 at 3:17 pm
Thank you for sharing your experiences and insights. It is clear that the two of you share a strong social and emotional connection. Determine what you want for your future at this time. When the two of you see each other in person again, speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Julie!