You may think that the western world is so, well, westernized, that dating someone from a different country in the western world will be a breeze. Think again. There are still differences; in some countries more than others. Spaniards have their ways just like Americans do and sometimes we don’t think about those ways until we start dating someone. As a Swede having dated men from many different cultures as I have spent my adult life traveling, I can assure you that the things you take for granted sometimes aren’t things you should take for granted… So let’s have a look at the Spaniards! Dating Spanish Men!

Not Looking for a Relationship

Most Spanish men aren’t looking for a relationship until they fall in love. Hence, they will probably tell you they aren’t looking for a relationship until the moment they fall in love with you. Don’t wait forever for that moment, but do give it a little bit of time.

The Macho Factor

Chances are the guy you are dating will want to show off his manliness at every turn possible, but especially in front of his friends. So avoid cracking jokes that hurt his ego.

There is something somewhat old fashioned about this – a man wanting to be seen as a hero. And when it comes to Spanish men they may actually expect you to do the most work around the house as well, at least when it comes to feeding them. Whilst you may not agree with this entirely, bear in mind it’s not an insult – it’s simply a feeling of comfort for them. It’s the way it’s always been. They likely think you cooking for them is proof of you caring.

A friend of mine once dated someone Greek. This guy was the tidiest, cleanest guy on Earth and consequently always did his dishes, often for both myself and my friend as well. One day his friends were around and as they wanted to keep chatting and we wanted to do our own thing, my friend and I withdrew. Without doing the dishes. The guy was infuriated – how could we have insulted him in front of his friends like that? This was a sign that we did not care about him and weren’t looking out for him. It took him a few days to realize this is a cultural difference.

Don’t Approach Them

How are you going to get the attention of a man if you don’t approach him, you ask? Old fashioned flirting techniques of course!

Whilst you have to show a man you are interested by looking his way, smiling and giving him “the look” you have to show you won’t cave in too easily. The best thing if you see someone you like at a bar or party, or even at work, is to throw him the glances and smiles from time to time (not incessantly), but also get busy talking to others and in general having g good time! You can even flirt with others, in fact, it might help. Just don’t take it too far.

What you most certainly should not do is walk up to the man and start talking to him. In Spain men need to take the first step. It’s just in their culture that that’s the way it is. And whilst it’s sometimes a good idea to do things your own way, chances are he will run for the hills screaming if you just walk up to him and start talking. If he’s terribly shy you may be able to somehow initiate a conversation, but then you have to approach it in an extremely clever way to make it look like he did it.

If you approach, he may think you “easy.”

Don’t Say Yes to a First Date

If someone asks for your number and then texts you, or calls you to ask for a first date, make sure you are busy that day. You simply can’t make it. Maybe you suddenly have a new work engagement.

Also, whilst texting, be sure you don’t drop everything to reply to a text. Rather have a very busy schedule for a while. Maybe miss a few phonically too. You want to be hard to get so that the man can show off his manliness by pursuing you. It may seem enological – surely he would feel more manly if you gave into him, but no, that would show you had no character and he wouldn’t get to show off his skills in pursuing a woman.

Now You Will Do the Chase

If you get through a first date with a guy, he might want to try to impress you as it’s now clear you are interested. This might mean he talks about all the women he’s dated or who like him (to prove what a stallion he is) or suddenly gets too busy for the second date. Now he’s the one vetting if you are ready to put some effort into this.

The chase only lasts so long though and Spanish men aren’t usually fond of clingy women. Have your own life and let him have his. If things work out your lives will merge, but he will always want as certain level of independence, as will probably you.

By Maria Montgomery – Maria is a freelance writer, director and social entrepreneur. She’s also the spokesperson for The Little Angels Community Center and an avid blogger. You can find her somewhere between Cape Town, London and L.A., where you will most likely find her in the hills, looking out over the city she loves. @OhMyMontgomery

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