Sometimes we don’t even know we hold onto resentment because let’s face it: while we are busy trying to make sure our boss understands we deserve a raise, attend the gym, meet up with friends and find the wo/man of our dreams we don’t necessarily pay attention to that little nagging voice in our head. We’re too busy sorting out what’s happening in the moment to pay attention to our subconscious, but that very same subconscious we aren’t paying attention to also leads us in the moment without us realizing. So it’s time to pay attention.

After I cured RSI (repetitive strain injury) in my hands by reading Dr. John Sarno’s book about how emotions affect our body I will never again think that ignoring emotions is  good idea because it doesn’t only impact your moods and your relationship with yourself and others, it also impacts your health.

So let’s look at how to resolve resentment, shall we?

Why Do We Hold onto Resentment? 

If you really think it’s no big deal that your neighbors have an annoying habit to play music at 8:45 every Saturday when you want to sleep to 09:00, why does the resentment get lodged in your subconscious? You love your neighbors and you don’t want to create a fuss by telling them their little habit annoys you. So why is there still resentment?

And why are you still holding a grudge towards the kid that bullied you in school 20 years ago? It’s not something you think about, your life is far away from that kid now, so why is the resentment still there if someone reminds you of your childhood? You think you ended up in a good place, that life taught you things by putting you through the school of hard knocks, so why the resentment?

The truth is, it’s not just resentment we carry with us. We carry with us any emotion we experienced unless we faced it. Not wallowed in it. Not got lost in it. But faced it. Sat holding it in the palm of our hand until we’ve truly felt it, then let it go.

I tend to liken people to houses: if you keep the doors and windows open emotions flow through you and as pleasant, or unpleasant, as they may be, they don’t hurt you. The problem comes when you let something in that you try to suppress, or hold onto, because it gets stuck.

You are annoyed with the neighbors. But you don’t want to think about it, because they’re nice people. So you suppress your anger. You don’t face it and let it go, or walk over to your neighbors and kindly ask if they can move their music schedule by fifteen minutes. You just knock your feelings to the side. And chances are, if you do that with the neighbors, you do it with other stuff too. So your annoyance with the neighbors will only be one of a hundred little things bugging you that you never cared to resolve. Meaning you have a pool of resentment inside.

As for the bully from your childhood, most likely you were really upset when you were being bullied. You were hurt. You went through emotional upheaval. And you didn’t face those emotions, looking at them until they evaporated as you realized the bully had no real power over you (however real it seemed at the time). No, you engaged with the emotions. Either you felt stuck in them, or you battled them. To battle something, it needs to exist. It won’t go away. It will only be punched about.

How Resentment Affects Us

To be honest I don’t know how your resentment affects you. It may come out in snapping at your partner for a really small issue as inside there are a hundred other issues that just got triggered by that one small thing. It may come out when you’re having a bad day and your guards are down. Maybe you’ll flip on your boss, maybe you’ll yell at your kid, maybe you’ll tell your parents to bugger off because even though what they did just then was practically nothing, you’re carrying a dam of resentment within you that just exploded.

It could be that your resentment towards someone from long ago makes your react in certain ways today. For example, if you were bullied by that kid and someone does something in your life today that reminds you of that kid, you react funnily. Your resentment ends up being targeted at the person today instead of the person from yesterday.

Resentment may also be wallowed in. You could spend your time thinking about all the wrongs someone has done to you. As the story goes, the person you’re imprisoning with your thoughts is no other than yourself though. Your resentment will make you unhappy. Instead of thinking about rainbows and sunsets you’re thinking about the injustice of someone else’s actions. You’re trapping yourself in misery.

As mentioned, Sarno’s book (Healing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection) alerted me to the fact that emotions can turn into physical pain. Sarno argues that suppressed anger causes pain as the body invents physical aches and pains to distract us from the anger. And it can be for small things. Sarno used the example of a mother who had a baby and was tired and feeling angry at the baby for screaming because she wanted to sleep. Then she felt guilty, because of course the baby couldn’t help screaming. Her brain didn’t want to deal with her anger towards her baby because she felt ashamed of it, so instead she ended up with back pain. Other times it can be anger/resentment because we feel the pressure on us to always exceed is too much, or we don’t stand up for ourselves.

Sarno says that most of us would rather face the emotions than the pain – sometimes it’s truly very small things – but we don’t because we don’t even realize what’s happening. The brain is seemingly programmed and, as I said earlier, we’re too busy with what’s just in front of us to realize what’s happening inside of us.

Letting Go of Resentment

So how do you get rid of resentment?

One way is to make a list. List anything and everything you resent in life and people, as well as in yourself. Then go through the list, item for item, and feel the resentment. For each item, close your eyes and explore exactly what you feel. Hang with the feeling till you realize it’s just a feeling. Let it evaporate.

You should also look at the resentment you feel for people in your life currently and deal with what needs to be dealt with coming from a place of love, or a place of all seeing wisdom, as opposed to emotional entanglement. Tell the people who you feel resentment for due to their actions that what they are doing is hurting/annoying you. But come from that place of rational wisdom, or love, not of resentment. It’s not about telling them about your resentment (normally anyway), but about resolving the issue; the thing that makes you resent them. You don’t have to be angry with them for their habits, you need to explain to them why you don’t accept them, or would like them to change them.

Of course, beware you don’t resent people for misunderstandings, or because of things they truly can’t help. If, on the other hand, your resentment is founded in a serious issue and things don’t change after a talk, you may need to step away. Being around people and situations that make you resent them is not healthy. Not at all.

Also, if you have trouble letting go of something someone’s done, remember that most people are like a cause and effect equation: they only do what they do because of what they’ve been through. They never learned to take charge of their emotions and act in spite of them. They’ve been slaves to the events in their lives and the thoughts resulting from them.

1. Picnics

What’s more romantic than an old fashioned picnic? Bring some lemonade, chicken or cheese, baguette, grapes, your favorite blanket and some romantic poetry, a chess board, or some outdoorsy game the two of you can play (frisbee, croquet, etc.) and head out for a day in the sun. Play some old jazzy tunes on your iPod and relax.

Want to make it even more romantic? Go to a lake where you can rent a rowing boat (for inspiration watch the first Bridget Jones movie where Hugh Grant recites Keats in a boat…or simply read any good Jane Austen novel that makes you think of old fashioned picnics in the English countryside).

In winter/fall bring thick blankets, sheepskins and hot chocolate/mulled wine. If you want to make it extra special, make snow lanterns. An excellent romantic break after going sliding down the hills on sleighs in the snow.

2. Text Messages

Texts are simple ways of letting someone know you’re thinking about them, whether with their pants on or off… In the beginning when we date someone we usually text a lot because we can’t wait to find out more about each other, nor can we wait to see one another again. As time passes by we often get lazy though. So to add a sparkle to your relationship, text more.

It’s an excellent way to make your love life more interesting as well. No better way to distract someone at work than telling them what you intend to do to them when they get home…

3. Love Letters

Old fashioned as it may be, is there anything better than a handwritten letter telling you exactly how much someone misses you?

You can turn a letter into a collage as well, with images from when you first met, little stickers and so forth. Sites like The Graphics Fairy lets you download vintage images for free if you need some.

4. Poems

Maybe even more old fashioned than letters, but there’s something to be said for poetry. If you can’t write it yourself, use well known poems – send them in texts, or emails. Make a habit of it – send one every Friday. It will make your significant other look forward to Fridays…

5. Date Nights at Home

You don’t always have a lot of time (or money) on your hands to go out, but that doesn’t mean that every date night at home should be one where you sit in sweatpants watching Netflix.

When having a date night at home, set the dinner table properly, light the candles, turn on the sexy music and leave a little love note on your date’s plate.

You can have a theme too, like an Italian dinner, with Italian music and wine, followed by an Italian movie (or at least one set in Italy).

6. Spa Nights at Home

Spa nights can be elaborate affairs, or simple pampering nights.

If you want to go big, prepare strawberries and champagne, pour your date a hot bath and follow it with a massage.

If you want something more simple, just pamper your date when s/he gets home – prepare a hot cup of tea and a steaming bath, or pour them a glass of wine and have dinner ready, followed by a massage. Just knowing someone cares is huge in a relationship.

7. Exploring New Things Together

Exploring life together is part of what makes a relationship special. Go new places and do new things together. Explore. Whether you drive to a nearby town and spend a night couch surfing for free (couchsurfing.com), or you go on a luxurious trip to Paris, doesn’t matter as much as exploring something new. Things fast get boring and stagnate unless you decide to make the most of them.

Doing things alone with your partner away from friends and family also gives you time to truly focus on one another.

If you don’t want to go away, simply attend a workshop together in your own town – go to a wine and cheese tasting, learn to make chocolate, or try archery together. Explore. Challenge each other to try new experiences.

8. Make a Wishing Tree Together

Write down all the things you’d like to explore – big and small – and then choose wishes from your tree to do together ever so often.

9. Have a Bake Off (and Other Random Acts of Kindness)

Why not dedicate a day to a fun bake off? Get your hands dirty and bake cookies you put in jars and give away to friends, relatives and the homeless. You can also go volunteer with an organization once  month, or do something else that makes you both feel happy. A kind of giving that warms your hearts.

Often we think it’s only the most in need who want our help and encouragement, but usually more people than you’d ever guess would be thankful to receive a surprise act of kindness. Everyone goes through bouts of difficulties and loneliness. And even if you do a kind gesture for someone who is having the time of their lives, they’ll appreciate it.

10. Little Gifts

A rose. A cookie from their favorite bakery. A bottle of their favorite wine. A new book from one of the authors they love.

Gifts don’t need to be pricey. They just need to be well thought through.

11. Hang Out at an Amusement Park or Fair

Rollercoaster rides and plenty of laughter. Or maybe cotton candy and winning a teddybear? Whatever way around, there’s something about amusement parks and fairs that make us laugh and have a good time – from Renaissance Fairs to Disneyland.

12. Be a Tourist

Pretend to be a tourist in your own city. Visit all the landmarks, oh and ah about the sights, try all the food stores…explore the city through new eyes…or the eyes of love. Just as with relationships, we tend to forget what we have next to us when it comes to cities and we can all do with a reminder!

13. Get in a Car and Drive

Don’t plan a destination, just get in the car, drive and see where you end up. Helps to bring a sat nav, water and a first aid kit. Just in case you truly get lost…

Seriously, some of the best trips are the spontaneous ones.

14. Do a Home Swap

Tired of your own place? Swap places with a friend for a week, or weekend. It will give you a change of scenery and feel like vacation.

Want to go further afield? List your place on an actual home swapping forum. There are incredible places people are willing to swap for a vacation far from home!

15. Play

When was the last time you went to the beach and built a sand castle? Or did some finger painting? Created something with clay? It can be incredibly liberating and fun to play around.

If you just want something creative with a more adult feel to it, attend an art class where they serve wine. They’ve become increasingly popular around the world.

For a laugh out loud night, just get some friends together and play Cards Against Humanity. It will leave you with smiles on your faces. And possibly some disturbing thoughts…

16. Get the Adrenaline Flowing

You fall in love faster when adrenaline flows and maybe you fall harder for the person you’re already in love with? Something to do with the fear of losing them… Whether you want to take a trapeze class, go bungee jumping, skydive, zipline, or climb a mountain, you’re bound to get a bit starry eyed and excited afterwards, so it’s best to keep someone around you who you could apply that starry-eyedness and excitement to… (That’s not grammatically correct, but you get my drift – go starry-eyed and get excited with someone you love!)

17. Do Something Posh

I’m the first to admit I prefer beach picnics in flip-flops to dining in fancy restaurants with crystal glasses and silverware, but there’s something to be said for getting dressed up ever so often (including fancy lingerie underneath). You need to feel like the king and queen of your own lives. And let’s face it: seeing each other dressed up is sexy. So long as you get to see those rough jeans and worn out flannel shirts too…

18. Escape the Crowds

Being alone can be romantic, whether you go camping under the stars, rent a cabin in the woods or sneak off somewhere else. You need to be alone. Just the two of you. Truly appreciating each other’s company.

If you like you could even try being silent together for a day. Discover other ways to communicate…

19. Kidnap One Another

Decide that once a year you each kidnap the other and take them somewhere unexpected. Be sure to have a long think about what kind of activities the other loves before you plan it though. Don’t kidnap them to take them to a place only you love, doing what only you love. Rather make it about them.

20. Play Dress Up

Take each other to second hand stores and find outfits you’d like to see each other in. Go home, wash the clothes and the next day go on a date dressed in whatever your partner picked… You can make this as fun, or as sexy, as you like. Of course you can buy things that aren’t second hand too, but there’s a lot of fun to be had in thrift shops!

21. Have a Date in the Library

Go to the library and pick out books for each other to read. Then sit down somewhere nice and read together, or read out loud to one another.

22. Try Tantra

No, you don’t have to have sex to do tantra…but you could. It’s actually all about the connection between the two of you – breathing together, looking each other in the eye and being together. You can read an excellent article I wrote about it here. In my humble opinion and all that…

23. Get Curious About One Another

Spend a night somewhere asking each other intimate questions while looking each other in the eye. Ask about the funny, the absurd, the intellectual, the dreamy, the steamy… From what super hero your date would like to be, to the most embracing thing s/he’d ever done and anything and everything in between.

To spice it up, turn it into a game of truth and dare…

24. Go on a Double Date

Sometimes it’s fun to go out with other couples. You need different energies around you, or you soon get bored. So plan a few nice things with different friends – from nights out bowling and playing billiards, to renting a cabin somewhere. Different friends have different tastes, so it might help to widen your horizons too! It can also help to split costs if you do a road trip, go camping, or simply head to Vegas for the weekend!

Just, you know, choose the people wisely. After all, you don’t want to end up in a new city with a couple whom you have nothing in common with, or who thinks having a romantic time means getting so drunk they pass out every night. You don’t want to have to babysit them!

25. Compliment Each Other

It’s easy to crack jokes about someone once you know them well enough to know all their quirks. Just remember to praise them too. Just because you once said they’re hot, or pretty, doesn’t mean they don’t need to hear it again. Challenge yourself to compliment one another at least a few times a week. Whether saying they make you swoon when they do whatever it is they do, or telling them they’re incredible for handling things so well at work, it will make them feel great. And people who feel great around you, usually enjoy being around you. Which means your relationship just got a whole lot better. Just by remembering to do a little bit of praising!

Reasons Men Like a Shy Girl

1. You’re a Mystery

As we said before, YOU DON’T TALK MUCH! He doesn’t know a thing about you because you keep to yourself. This appeals to the man because you are essentially a mystery he wants to uncover. He doesn’t know what’s hiding in the depths of your brain and he certainly doesn’t have a clue about how you’re feeling- but he wants to. He wants to explore your mind in every way possible and tap into that shyness to get you to open up. It’s fun for him and it’s a big plus for many men out there.

2. You’re Intimidating

Whether you know it or not, being shy can actually be very intimidating; and guys love a gal who is intimidating! But why is this so? Well, you don’t talk a lot and you keep to yourself. This could come across as being conceited or arrogant, which could actually scare a lot of guys away; however, the bulk of men will be intrigued by this fact and want to take on the challenge.

3. You Appear More Feminine

Your shyness is undeniably ADORABLE and you probably dress a lot more conservative than an outgoing gal. You keep your makeup to a minimum and like to show off your natural beauty. This, to the male eye, is extremely graceful and beautiful, and what guy doesn’t a girl with tons of grace and femininity? You will catch his eye with your natural beauty and feminine appearance very quickly.

4. You Make Him Feel Secure

A girl that has a lot going on in her life with plenty of friends and activities may make a man feel like he’s not the number one thing in her relationship, and may even feel insecure about his girlfriend. But a shy girl who has plenty of time on her hands to make her boyfriend a priority, and takes the time to get to know him and show him affection, in turn makes him feel very comfortable and secure in the relationship- which means the two of you will probably last a heck of a lot longer.
5. He Wonders if You’re Not Shy in Bed
Okay, ladies- let’s just be honest here. That quote ‘lady in the street but freak in the sheets’ applies a lot to a shy girl. You appear as the innocent, quiet, feminine beauty that doesn’t like to talk a lot, but are you the same way in the sheets? He will be dying to know if you’re the type that lets loose in the bedroom, and that will honestly be a dream come true in his eyes.

6. He Will Be More Protective of You

Everyone knows that men love to be the ‘knight in shining armor’. They love to help a lady in distress and do anything he can to make her feel better and calmer. Well, the shy girl probably has hard time sticking up for herself. This gives her boyfriend plenty of opportunities to be overprotective of her and be her guard in hard situations. He can truly be your ‘knight’ in all situations and he enjoys taking care of you in that aspect.

7. There’s Less Shy Girls than Outgoing Girls

Especially nowadays, finding a shy girl is a dime a dozen; it seems like every girl in this world is desperate for attention or is incredibly outgoing. That being said, men love to find a woman that’s not like all the rest. Pair this exclusiveness with your graceful beauty and mystery, and you’re the whole package to a guy who is looking for his next girlfriend.

8. You are more Trustworthy

You’re not likely to talk with a lot of guys when you’re shy (let alone other females!) You’re also not the type to hang out at parties or head out to the clubs with your gal pals. You prefer to do something lowkey and you love just being around a few people at once. This, of course, means that you’re less likely to cheat or find yourself in the midst of a potentail cheating situation. This makes you a lot more trustworthy in the eyes of your boyfriend!

9. The Relationship Will Last Longer

Because you are shy and have a hard time opening up to someone, you and your boyfriend are more likely to take things slow and take the proper time necessary getting to know each other before taking any big leaps. Taking this time and digging deep into each others’ minds is the ideal recipe for a strong, long-lasting relationship; and men know this.

10. He Feels More Romantic with You

Just like being  her knight in shining armor, a man will take extra time to give his shy gal the romance she needs. He is more likely to do those cute, adorable, romantic gestures with a shy girl than with any other girl, because she possesses the qualities needed to bring out his manly side. He wants to make you feel like the princess you truly are!

Reasons Men May Not Like a Shy Girl

Okay, it’s not all sunshine and daisies when it comes to being shy, and there’s a lot of reasons why a guy may be turned off by this type of girl. Here are a few of the reasons a guy may not like your shyness or become annoyed by it during the relationship.

1. You Don’t Open Up

I understand it’s hard for you to be open with someone- you’re shy! But if you’ve been dating someone for a few weeks or months and you’re STILL having a hard time opening up and continue to keep your shy wall up, he may become annoyed and lose hope in the relationship.

2. You May be Too Clingy

Of course guys love to get affection from their lady and they love to help her out the best he can! But, there’s a point when it becomes too much. If you’re obsessively clingy and don’t give him any air or if you’re always needing help with things you could probably do on your own, he might get turned off by your ‘helpless’ personality.

3. You Don’t Speak Your Mind

In an argument, you never say anything and just agree with him. When he asks you what YOU want to do tonight, you always say ‘whatever you want to do’. You expect him to read your mind because you never tell him what’s going on. Guys don’t like this. They love shyness, but they still want you to speak up when the time is right; they don’t want to be in absolute control of the relationship and make up every single decision.

Ways to Be More Attractive

You’re beautiful as is, girls! But if you want to hone in on your shyness and be even more attractive to the cuties out there, here’s a few ways to make yourself even MORE attractive.

1. Be Confident

This goes for any girl, whether they are shy or outgoing or some mix between the two. Confidence is undeniably the sexiest thing a girl can wear, so work on your confidence levels and you’ll see yourself catching more attention than you ever thought possible.

2. Don’t Change Yourself

Never, EVER change yourself- for anyone! You don’t have to talk when you don’t want to, you don’t have to go to those big social events, and you don’t have to wear risque clothing if you don’t want to. Stay true to yourself, even if some people may be annoyed by your shy personality. You are who you are, so wear it proudly.

3. Use Gestures More Often

If you don’t like to talk (which I know you don’t!) use your facial expressions and gestures to make more of an impact than words ever could.

4. Be Strong in Yourself

Whether you’re shy or not, you need to learn to stick up for yourself and be strong! This means saying NO when you need to, coming up with ideas for date night, and standing up for yourself in any and all situations. Just because you are shy does NOT mean you should let people walk all over you just because they THINK that they can; be strong, ladies!

1. You Think About Their Happiness More Than Your Own

It’s hard to imagine, but it’s true. All of the sudden you want to make them happy more than anything else in the world. Their happiness becomes more important than your own, so you’re willing to compromise or go above and beyond just to see them smile.

2. You’re Completely, One Hundred Percent Comfortable with Them

When you’re in love with someone, you get to this point where you feel absolutely comfortable with them. They can see you at 2 o’clock in the morning with your face mask on and your silly bunny pajama onesie and you’re not embarrassed. You can tell them literally anything and they won’t judge you for it. The two of you can talk about anything and there’s never a dull moment, even when you’re just hanging out watching tv together.

3. You Don’t Judge Them

It really doesn’t matter what they say or what they do (unless it’s something serious, like drugs or something along those lines). You accept them for who they are. You understand that their past is in the past, and you’re both in the present. You understand that there’s some embarrassing things that will happen during the relationship, and that’s okay. You trust him; he trusts you; and you simply don’t judge him- and that’s that.

4. You Like to Look Your Best for Them- Even Though You Don’t Have To

He loves you. He doesn’t care if you do your hair or your makeup to go over to his house or go out on a date, but you do it anyways. Why? Because YOU want to look your best for him. You want to see his eyes light up when he sees you. You want to show him that you’re getting all dolled up for his eyes, and his eyes only- not anyone else. That being said, you enjoy getting dressed up for your man- EVEN THOUGH you know you don’t HAVE to.

5. You Love Their Quirks

This is a BIG one. Everyone has their quirks, right? And if you’re not in love with someone, they may be annoying or get on your nerves. But when you love someone? YOU LOVE THEIR QUIRKS. As hard as it is to understand, for some reason the quirkiest things they do become the cutest little things you can’t get enough of.

6. You Want to Be Around Them All the Time

You love their company. It really doesn’t matter what the two of you are doing. I mean, you could be taking a trip to Paris for the week and going to all the little cafes and restaurants and dancing till the sun comes up, or you could simply be watching (yet another) football game on the couch with a beer. All you want to do is be in his presence, because that’s your favorite place to be. It makes you happy and it feels like home.

7. You Don’t Even THINK About Cheating

Okay, listen- you are human, and you’re certainly going to find other people attractive; that’s only normal. The difference is, you don’t lust for anyone else. You don’t want them. Yes, they may be handsome, but that’s as far as your mind goes. You don’t think about pursuing them in any way, shape, or form. As aforementioned- cheating does not even cross your mind, not even once.

8. They Give You Confidence and Reassurance

There is something about being in love that gives you this great sense of confidence. Your partner makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and that you can do anything you set your mind to. Such a beautiful feeling.

9. You Dream of the Future With Them

This is the love of your life, so of course you are going to dream about the future with them! You will probably think about living together someday, maybe plan your wedding in your head years before it actually happens, and you may even think about how your kids will look. But seriously, you want a future with him and this future together excites you.

10. You Never Want to Lose Them

Of course you don’t want to lose him. He’s your love, and he’s your world. You couldn’t imagine a day without him by your side! Even during the stupidest fights, you don’t want to break up. You want to work through any problem because deep down in your heart you never want to lose them.

11. They Make You Happy Nonstop

You will certainly find yourself smiling throughout the day, with this undeniable happiness that fills your entire body and soul. It’s such an amazing feeling and you can’t help but feel all giddy day in and day out- thanks to them, of course!

12. You Worry About Them

He’s starting a new job? You’re probably worried and nervous for him. He’s not answering your phone calls? You’re probably worried something may have happened. He’s not feeling well? You’re probably worried and want to take care of him. Needless to say, you worry about him and feel the nervousness and stresses he feels too.

13. Feeling at Peace with Them

There is a sense of undeniable peace with him. As you’re lying in his arms, you feel comfortable, you feel happy, and your entire body and mind are at peace. You are in love.

14. Wanting to Show Off Your Love to Others

You may be annoying your friends and family, but you just can’t help but talk about him all the time! You’re madly in love with him and you want to share your love and how wonderful your man is. You’re probably flooding social media with lovey-dovey pictures because you just can’t keep it inside any longer. Hey, with a love so amazing like that, why would you want to keep it a secret from the world? (And let’s not even BEGIN to mention the crazy PDA coming from you two- hugs, kisses, and hand holding everywhere you go!)

15. Excited to See Them

It could be a quick lunch together in between school or work, and you’re still so excited to see him. Your heart races every time you’re about to get together, whether it’s big or small. You look forward to the next time you are going to see him, the second the two of you are apart. Needless to say, you’re quite frankly addicted to his company and can’t stand to be apart from him!

Ladies, if he is giving you butterflies just by smiling at you, you can’t wait to see him, you feel absolutely happy and comfortable with him, then you’re in love. What do you think? What are some other ways you feel when you’re in love?

Signs You are Just Dating

1 There’s Probably More than One

If you are JUST dating a guy, then he is probably dating other girls too (and you may be seeing other men as well). I mean, why not? The two of you have not made a commitment to be loyal and only see each other, so dating is free game. You’re both free to explore other options until you’re sure you can settle on someone, whether it’s this guy or another. So, when you’re dating, almost be certain there’s other dates happening without you.

2 You Don’t Know His Friends/Family

If you aren’t his girlfriend and he’s not your boyfriend, you’re probably not being introduced to family and friends; that’s reserved for more serious relationships. So keep that in mind: he isn’t going to bring you around until he is sure you are his girlfriend and the two of you have the potential of lasting a long time, and you probably wouldn’t do that with your friends either.

3 You Don’t See Each Other TOO Often

Sure, you’re dating; but you’re probably not texting and calling twenty-four seven like a couple in love, and you’re probably not seeing each other all TOO often. You’re probably seeing each other for a date once, maybe twice a week, and that’s it. Now, if the dates start occurring more often, then the two of you are probably working towards being in an exclusive relationship. But until then, dates that happen every so often is just that- a date- and nothing more. Consider how many times you’re seeing this guy on a weekly basis and also consider how many times you’re texting each other or calling each other to determine which road you’re taking towards being in a relationship.

4 May or May Not be Intimate

Some people go on a date and find themselves under the sheets that very night- and that’s okay, if you’re not waiting until the two of you are exclusive. He is probably seeing other girls and you need to know that. On the other hand, some women wait until they’re in a solid relationship before giving up the goods. Whatever the deal may be, dating could be a friends with benefits type thing, or you could be holding out until he asks you to be your girlfriend.

5 Nothing too Serious

Dating should be fun and casual, getting to know someone as much as you can before leaping into a relationship. That being said, it’s nothing serious. Like I mentioned above, the two of you probably aren’t talking nonstop and probably don’t hangout too much. The dates are fun, but you’re not exclusive so you can’t be mad when he is seeing someone else at the same time. You can’t be mad if he’s texting other people or not making time for you. It’s a casual deal until the two of you decide to take your relationship to the next level, so jealousy and getting mad about ‘girlfriend’ things is completely out of the question until the two of you are exclusive.

Signs You are in a Relationship

1 You’ve Made a Commitment to One Another

Once you are in a relationship, the two of you should be monogamous with each other. There is no more dating other people, and there is definitely no more sleeping around. You make a commitment to be with each other and that is it. He has asked you to be his girlfriend, and you accepted- and that’s that.

2 Strong Connection

Two people who are in a relationship with one another are undoubtedly going to have a very deep and strong connection with each other. You know your boyfriend well, and he knows you incredibly well too. He should be your best friend and your lover simultaneously. The two of you should be able to be perfectly comfortable in a room together even in the silence, but you also have the ability to talk for hours on end without losing the fun of the conversation. You should be able to tell him anything without judgement, and he do the same for you. There is undeniable trust in your relationship, no hidden secrets or lack of loyalty.

3 Looking for a Future Together

When you decide to enter into an exclusive relationship with someone, it isn’t just for fun and giggles; you are deciding to take a step forward with this individual because you truly see a potential future between the two of you. And not only should you see the potential, but you and your boyfriend should actively be working towards that future goal. The two of you should have similar goals that you both want and will both work for. Now, I’m not saying get married in a month and start having babies right away; but, you should have FUTURE goals that you’re both looking towards, and it’s a-okay to have short term goals as well like a promotion or finishing school. And don’t forget- you both should be each others’ cheerleaders, offering encouragement at every turn.

4 Met Family/Friends

Like I mentioned earlier, if you’re not in a relationship, you’re not being introduced to anyone close to him; and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. HOWEVER, if the two of you are now in a relationship, then you should be introduced to family and friends very soon after it’s made official. You may meet the friends first just to ease into everything, or you may jumpstart to a family gathering. Either way, you’re no secret and he will be introducing you to his loved ones as his ‘girlfriend’.

5 It’s ‘Official’

Okay, so, obviously if he asks you out to be his girlfriend and be absolutely exclusive with him in a monogamous relationship, then you’re in a relationship. This can also mean you make it ‘official’ on social media such as Facebook, and adding your status to other profiles like Instagram or Twitter as well. Everyone knows you’re together and it’s an official thing between the two of you- no questioning it!

What do you think are some differences between dating and being in a relationship?

1 Know Your Worth

One of the best pieces of advice anyone will ever give you in life is to know your worth, because if you don’t nobody else will know either and they will think they can treat you however they want. Knowing your worth will allow you to decide what kinds of things you will put up with- and what things you won’t. This will help you to never settle for less in a relationship, because you will be sticking to your guns. Knowing your worth means having confidence in yourself, which will also help you in other areas of your life as well. If you don’t yet have confidence, there’s many ways to can achieve this: start by simply pointing out the GOOD qualities about yourself, and write them down on a piece of paper by your mirror. You will notice all of the new qualities being added to your list and realize how amazing you are. Buy clothes that fit you well, and take care of your body by eating healthy and exercising. Hang out with your friends and do well in work or school. Confidence is not something you’re born with, but learned- so teach yourself and reap the astounding benefits.

2 Know What You Want

Okay, so you know your worth; but do you know what you WANT? This may sound like a somewhat silly question, but if you go out into the dating world and don’t know exactly what you are looking for, you may end up with someone you’re not truly happy with- otherwise known as, ‘settling for less’. Before you even THINK about finding someone to be your potential boyfriend, you need to assess what you want. Make a list and be positive about everything you want out of a man, from his looks to his personality, his goals to his behavior- and everything in between. But don’t stop there! You also need to make a list of what you want out of the relationship. Are you expecting a full commitment that may one day lead to marriage? Are you looking for something a little bit more casual? Will you expect certain things from him? These are all imperative questions you need to know before you start seeing someone, that way you will know right off the bat if you are settling for less or not.

3 Don’t Fear Being Alone

This is probably the best piece of advice you will ever get from anyone on this planet! How many of us know a girl who stays in a bad relationship because she’s simply afraid of being alone? (Well, men do this too..) Do you know how awful that is? Yes, I know all too well how frightening the thought of being alone is- it sucks. But in the long run, you will be much happier being with someone who deserves you than simply settling for less because you don’t want to be by yourself. So ladies, I say once more, don’t be afraid of being alone. You will survive. It may be hard at first, but you will reap the benefits later on. Have a good support system around you- friends, family, ice cream- and you will feel better about your decision in no time.

4 Don’t Get Accustomed

After months and months and years and years of dating someone, you can get ‘used’ to them. You can get ‘used’ to the way they treat you, and because you’re so accustomed to it, you don’t even notice that you are settling for less. Don’t be that girl! Don’t be the girl that accepts things she should not simply because she is used to them. If you don’t feel something is right, then don’t settle! If your friends and family mention things to you that you’ve become accustomed to, do a fact check and make sure you aren’t allowing things just because you are comfortable. Again, this is where knowing your worth and knowing what you want comes into handy. When you have those two things, you’re less likely to become accustomed to something because you won’t allow it from the very beginning.

5 Have Goals for Yourself

When you have goals for yourself, you become very focused on them. Being focused on goals of your own will ensure you don’t get sidetracked by any guy that may come your way. Having this type of focus will make you feel more confident in yourself, which is imperative in never settling for less. And remember, whatever guy you end up should back you on all of your goals and help you achieve them. And if he doesn’t? Well, girlfriend, I hate to tell you but that would definitely mean that you are settling for less than you deserve.

6 Don’t Stick Around for the Wrong Reasons

Here’s another thing most of us have done at least once in our lives: sticking around for the wrong reasons. Maybe he is incredibly good-looking, or maybe you don’t want to lose a boyfriend so close to prom night. Maybe the sex is really great, or her has a lot of money. I’m telling you girls, don’t stick around for the wrong reasons if it is less than you deserve. Know when you are settling with someone for a bad reason, and move on. You will be much happier in the long run being with someone else, because eventually the thing you’re sticking around for won’t make you happy enough anymore- or maybe it will disappear completely. basically- it’s not worth it!!

Have you ever settled for less in a relationship? What was the outcome?

Truth be told we all grow and as we grow we change. From your favorite foods, to your dream job – it can all change. To keep your relationship with someone fresh, ask them questions regularly. Don’t get lazy – just because you wake up next to them doesn’t mean you know everything there is to know about them. To have a healthy relationship, you have to be curious about your partner, as well as grow together by doing new things together. Whatever goes stagnant dies, so keep things alive!

1. What’s my favorite season? 

Maybe hint about doing something special, like a wonderful spring/summer/autumn/winter date to celebrate your favorite season next time it comes around! After all, you need to celebrate what you love and doing it together helps the relationship grow stronger.

2. What’s my favorite restaurant? 

If they don’t know this, you don’t go on enough dates…then again, only going on dinner dates gets boring. Still, they should know where to take you when you want to celebrate, or need a bit of encouragement.

3. What’s my dream vacation? 

Well, they best know this, so you can plan it together!

4. What’s the one city I’d move to if I was to move somewhere else?

If the two of you ever feel like a change of scenery it’s great if they are aware of where you’d consider moving. After all, those plan Bs sometimes should have been plan As, or out of necessity become so. And if you already know you want to move there some day, then they definitively need to know about it!

5. Would I rather spend time by the lake, or ocean? 

Maybe this will inspire them to take you on a vacation…unless you already live by a lake or the ocean that is!

6. What’s my favorite car brand?

If they ever decide to buy you a car…

7. What’s the one thing in my life right now that I really want to change? 

No matter how far we get, new things always arise that we are working out. To feel close as a couple you need to know where you’re both at and how you wish to move forward.

8. What’s my favorite TV show of all time? 

Maybe you’re currently addicted to one show or another, but do they know what your favorite TV show of all time is?

9. What’s the one language I’d like to be fluent in that I’m not…yet?

Maybe the two of you should take a course together and then travel to the country where they speak said language? Or indulge in the food and culture locally? Most of us want to learn a language because we’re either in love with the culture, food, people, or actual country and some of it can be had right where you are. You can easily do a themed date night, for example, where you eat Spanish food, take a salsa class and watch a Latin movie together.

10. What’s my favorite romantic gesture?

They better make note about this one if they didn’t already know! Romantic gestures are important to keep a relationship alive.

11. What comforts me when I’m sad?

Again, this is something that can help your relationship. Often our partners are crestfallen when we are sad – they want to comfort us, but they aren’t sure of what to do or say. It will help them hearing from you what it is you actually want.

12. What can you do to perk me up on a day when I’m feeling down?

Sometimes when we are irritated or feeling down it’s hard for us to put into words that we would like a hug, a trip to the movies, or some home cooked food served to us with much gusto. It’s therefore better people know in advance what makes us feel better on days when we’re out of sorts (or just have PMS!). If he knows you really well he will already know this, but it can take years to figure some things out, so if he doesn’t, help him along!

13. What’s my favorite love language(s)?

If you both haven’t already read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, you better! We all need to be loved in different ways and this book is such a simple read to show how small changes in a relationship can make us feel more loved.

14. What’s my favorite book(s)?

Classic question, but knowing each other’s favorite books, movies, etc. helps you understand one another. Also, some books make for awesome topics of conversation. You can even go on book dates, where you go to a bookstore, buy each other one of your favorite books each and then go to a café to sit down and read and discuss them.

15. What’s my favorite movie(s)?

They gotta get it right for the Netflix nights!

16. What are the spices/herbs I hate?

Now, here’s a great one to avoid ending up eating things you dislike!

17. What are my favorite foods?

Where should they take you on a date next? Indian? Thai? Chinese? Vietnamese? American? Italian?

18. What’s my favorite brand of chocolate?

Clearly, this is essential information.

19. When’s my birthday?

Now if they don’t remember this… You might want to hint on what you consider great gifts whilst at it too…maybe you prefer ding something with him, as opposed to receiving a gift? Maybe you love roses, or maybe you think buying flowers is a waste of money? It’s always great to share your loves in the gift department, or you might very well end up disappointed.

20. What are three of my favorite things about you?

The perfect chance to compliment them a little! Of course, you then have to answer what their favorite things are about you…which could lead to some great compliments in return!

21. What are three of my pet peeves? 

Great for them to know so that they don’t accidentally piss you off or drive you insane with irritation…

23. What are three creative, out of the box, dates that I would love? 

Now this will get their brain into gear…and hopefully make them take you on those dates!

24. What are my favorite brands and flavors of ice cream?

Take it from one who knows: it’s vital a man can buy you the right brand and flavor of ice cream. Otherwise, that movie night, or that surprise “perk me up after a long day” just doesn’t work.

25. What are three things I’ve done that I’m really proud of? 

Is it your academic achievements, your heartfelt gestures, your adventurous trips, or something else that you are truly proud of?

26. What are three countries I’m wanting to visit?

This is where you can start dreaming together, planning your adventures.

27. What are three places I’ve been to that I’d love to go back to?

And you could go there together so that you can show him these amazing places hint, hint, wink, wink.

28. Do I prefer plays or musical? 

Random question maybe, but it does show if he knows you well. Unless, of course, you are both in theatre and discuss these kinds of things all the time.

29. Who are my heroes? 

Most of us have people whom we look up to and who inspire us, be it our grandparents or Angelina Jolie.

30. What’s a childhood memory that I’m really fond of?

If they know about the childhood memories you treasure, they really do know you quite well, don’t they? And if they don’t, now’s the time to share. After all, your childhood is greatly what made you who you are today.

31. What was my favorite date night with you? 

It always helps to talk about beautiful memories you share. It’s like a bonding exercise.

32. What are my favorite things about your personality? 

Another great opportunity to compliment them! And most people thrive on compliments.

33. What’s my number one career goal? 

Helps if they know where you are heading as they should be next to you when you go there and be your biggest support along the way.

34. What’s my favorite clothing/lingerie store and/or my favorite designer?

Should they ever decide to buy you clothes, this is essential information.

35. What’s a recurring dream I have?

Have you shared your subconscious mind with them? Otherwise, it might be about time you did!

36. What makes me feel happy when falling asleep, or helps me fall asleep?

How is it that you’d like to fall asleep every night? Do you like listening to music? Is it essential your partner is hugging you? Do you like to keep a light on? What makes you feel safe and secure, as well as happy when you drift off to sleep?

37. What do I consider romantic places for a kiss?

Here’s a chance to turn your relationship even more romantic by making him think of where to kiss you next. Though, of course, if you consider the Eiffel Tower to be  the number one destination for a kiss, it might also require a budget…

38. What are three things that make me smile?

They should seriously know a whole lot more than three…

39. Who are three of my favorite artists?

Crucial to know when preparing the iPod for a road trip…

40. What’s one thing I’d like to take classes in?

Most of us want to deepen our knowledge about one topic or another. Maybe you can take classes together?

By Maria Montgomery. Maria is a freelance creative, social entrepreneur and Huffington Post blogger. 

How do you make it obvious to the guy you like that you want them to lean in close, grab the side of your face, and plant their delicious looking pout on yours? Well, we’ve got an array of different ways that have worked for us in the past. Give these 20 ways to get a guy to kiss you a try.

1. Make Sure They Know You Like Them

Some guys just have no idea that you’re even into them in the first place. If that’s the case, how would they ever know to plant one on you? Make sure that you’ve done everything you can to make it obvious that you like him.

You’ll also want to make sure that he’s into you, too. So before trying these tips to get a guy to kiss you, be certain that they’re aware of your feelings for them.

2. Pretty Up Your Pout

If you want to get a guy to kiss you, you’ll need some delectable looking lips! So make sure you’re exfoliating your lips regularly, keeping them moisturized, and even applying a light (very light) layer of gloss on them to keep them looking fresh.

Bonus tip: Something that will always make them look rosy and delicious without the added lipstick (guys don’t particularly like kissing someone with a ton of lipstick on) is to simply bite down on your lips occasionally. This increases the circulation and keeps them red and even more plump.

3. Put those Lips on Display

Now that your mouth is looking better than ever, show it off! Make him pay extra attention to that part of your face. This can already be done by making them look appealing, but you can do even more. A trick that always seems to work is biting down on your lower lip when you know he’s looking at you. He won’t be able to resist!

4. Alone Time is Key

He’s not going to kiss you for the first time if there are a lot of other people around. He’ll be far too nervous and embarrassed to do so. This means that spending time alone, often is crucial. If you spend more and more alone time together, he’ll get more comfortable with you and this opens up more opportunities for him to kiss you.

5. Lean in Close

How is he going to be able to kiss you if you’re always 5 feet away from him? If you want to make it easier for him to kiss you, then you have to be as close to him as you can be without it being uncomfortable. Lean in closer when he’s talking or just hold his hand when you can.

6. Get Your Flirt On

Being really flirty with someone is always a green light to them if they’re wondering about kissing you. By laughing a lot, touching them here and there, and being playfully flirting, he’ll get the hint that you’re into him and it’ll give him the confidence he needs to pull you closer and kiss you.

7. Make Sexy Eye Contact

When he’s talking to you make sure you’re maintaining eye contact. Don’t stare at him! But do look into his eyes enough let him know that you’re engaged and listening. Chances are, if you’re doing it right, you’ll make him blush as he’s talking. This is a clear sign that he definitely wants to kiss you.

8. Look at His Lips

Take eye contact a step further and look at his lips. When he’s looking back into your eyes, subtly shift your gaze down to his lips for just a second. Then move them back up to his eyes and continue the conversation. This oldest trick in the book is almost always guaranteed to make him kiss you.

9. Fresh Breath, Always

Who wants to kiss someone who has bad smelling breath? I know I wouldn’t! Since you never really know if the two of you will be eating or enjoying snacks of any kind while you’re together, it’s always important to keep some gum or mints handy.

I suggest using mints instead of gum because if you two do end up kissing, the gum could get in the way. Here’s a little hint for you too: if you offer him a mint after a meal and he graciously takes it, it definitely means that he’s thinking about kissing you.

10. Touchy-Touchy

Initiating physical contact is a great way to close the gap between the two of you and make him feel more comfortable moving in for the kiss. Hold hands, lean on him, hug him, just do anything that will bring you two closer together.

11. Play a Tension-Filled Game

Sexual tension is the best way to get a guy to kiss you. So play a game that creates some of that! My favorite game to play is the “guess what’s next” game when we’re eating snacks or dinner. Have him close his eyes, get really close, and feed him different foods while he guesses what it is. The intimacy of feeding him will add some charged tension in the air.

12. Be Confident

If you’re nervous, he’ll be nervous. People who are nervous are less likely to follow through with something they want to do. So make sure you’re confident! If you remain confident the entire time, it will make it so much easier for him to make his move.

13. Pretend You’re Cold – and Make it Obvious You Really Aren’t

Some guys really need that extra push when it comes to kissing a girl. A common move is to pretend that you’re cold so they’ll hold onto you tight. But if you really want to be obvious about your desires, tell them you’re cold in an environment that really isn’t chilly at all. They’ll get the hint.

14. Face Him as Often as You Can

It’s not easy to kiss someone when you’re both facing the same direction. So make sure you put yourself in front of him a lot so he will have more of an opportunity to go for it!

15. Smile a Lot

This goes hand in hand with flirting and having confidence, but it is crucial. Not only will smiling make you look like you’re having a great time, but it also draws attention to your mouth – something that is needed if you want to get a guy to kiss you.

16. Touch His Face

Being close and touchy-feely with him is important already, but if you want to take it to the next level, touch his face whenever you can – just make sure it’s not in an uncomfortable way. You can pretend he has an eyelash, playfully “bop” him on the nose, or even just rub his facial hair (if he has any) and say that you like it. This basically sets up the perfect opportunity for him to move in.

17. Bring it Up in Conversation

If you two somehow get on the topic of kissing, bring up a point that you think he’d be a great kisser. The best time to do this is during a make out scene in a movie. Just blurt out, “I bet you’d be a better kisser than that.” Say it playfully and maybe he’ll prove your hypothesis.

18. Whisper in His Ear

Not much is sexier and more kiss-inducing than whispering something in his ear. Just lean in close and tell him that you had an amazing time with him on your date. If you play this right, you’ll get that kiss you’ve been waiting for.

19. Linger on Your Goodbyes

Just like you can use whispering in his ear to get a kiss, you can pull away from a hug but not let go of him just yet. Look up at him and then down at his lips. He’ll know it’s time to kiss you then.

20. Kiss Him Yourself!

Hello! It is 2016 after all. Who says the guys have to make all the first moves? If you’re shy and have tried all of the above tricks with no luck, take some initiative yourself! Maybe he’s even shyer than you are. Lean in close and go for it. He might even find that a woman who takes charge is sexy.

Getting a guy to kiss you can be quite the challenge if they don’t pick up on your hints very easily. But by using these techniques, you’ll lock lips in no time. Do you have any more tips that have worked for you? Let us know how they worked!

Things to Know About Your Introverted Man..

1. He Enjoys His ‘Me’ Time

Someone who is introverted doesn’t like to be around people too often. They enjoy their ‘me’ time, time where they can be alone and doing what they want. Don’t get his seclusion confused with him not wanting to be around you- he simply likes and NEEDS his space to be himself.

2. He Does Not Like Confrontation

When an argument arises, he will probably get very calm and try to leave. This can be a bit difficult at times, but he would much rather leave the situation, think about it, and come back with a cool tone then to raise his voice in an argument.

3. He May Not Be Overly Flirty

Someone who is introverted has a hard time talking, and it’s even more difficult for them to be flirty. It doesn’t mean he isn’t interested, but a man that has an introverted personality has a hard time complimenting his woman and doing any type of goofy flirting. At least you can rest assured if he DOES give you a flirt, he means it to the fullest.

4. He is an Amazing Boyfriend, Especially When it Comes to Listening

He’s quiet, gentle, and he LISTENS. What more could a girl ask for?

5. He’s a Little Quiet

Introverted personalities don’t like to talk much. So when you go out to eat with your man and he’s letting you do most of the talking, don’t automatically think you’re boring him. He’s actually listening and taking it all in!

6. He’s Loyal

Since he doesn’t really like to be around people (especially crowded areas like clubs or parties) and he doesn’t like to flirt, you won’t have to worry about him cheating. In fact, you won’t even have to really worry about him being put in a situation where he MAY end up cheating; he likes to be ALONE.

Tips on Dating an Introverted Man..

1. Make Sure You Give Him Enough Space

Someone who is introverted needs their space. If you don’t give him enough space, he may end up letting go of the relationship as he feels overwhelmed and out of place. Make sure you’re giving him enough alone time, even if you don’t like it.

2. Don’t Overdo It With Calls and Messages

I know, I know; you love to text your man all day every day and call him a couple times throughout the day to see how he’s doing. Men hate this- especially the introverted men. They don’t want to talk all that much, so go easy on the text messages. As for phone calls, you may do best to avoid them altogether; they HATE phone calls and it will undoubtedly be a one sided conversation.

3. Let Him Open Up on His Own Time

Don’t force him to open up. Someone who is introverted has a hard time talking and they will open up when they are ready. Just be patient, because when they open up that means they are totally comfortable with you- which is AWESOME.

Warnings About Dating an Introverted Man..

1. He Can Get Irritated Quickly

He doesn’t like to get too many texts, and he doesn’t like to go on a date more than a few times a week. If you’re continuously trying to text message and call him and every day you’re trying to get together, he could definitely become irritated at the fact that you’re incredibly chatty and outgoing and he prefers to be by himself in a quiet setting.

2. He Won’t Want to Go Out All the Time

Like I said, the introverted man LIKES to be alone; so why would he want to go out all the time? You will probably see him once or twice a week- and that’s it. A lot of the time he will also prefer a simpler, casual date like dinner at his place or a drive-in movie.

3. He May Be Hard to Talk To

You’re not likely to find yourself in a really heavy conversation with an introverted man; he prefers to sit back and listen to whomever he is with. This can be a good thing AND a bad thing, especially when it comes to discussing important things or getting over a bad argument. Definitely something to consider when you decide to date someone with an introverted personality.

4. You Won’t Change Him- Don’t Even Try

Well, ladies, you should NEVER try to change someone no matter what their personality is. However, a lot of women think just because he is shy and not very talkative at first, doesn’t mean he can’t open up and become the lively individual they want to be with. No, someone with an introverted personality will always stay on the quiet side and you won’t catch them at any wild, lively events. They prefer to do something simple and crave their alone time more than anything. Trying to change them will only push them away- as it should! Either accept them for who they are or find an extrovert.

Have you ever dated an introverted man? What was it like? Share your experiences with us!

1. Be Confident

Okay, you’ve definitely heard this before: there is nothing sexier than confidence! But it seems like, even though we repeat this statement to every woman we know, it’s just not breaking through the brain barrier. We all know how important and attractive confidence is, but yet we refuse to get rid of our insecurities. Ladies, EMBRACE YOURSELF! We all have flaws, we all have things we don’t like about ourselves; but seriously, let it go. Love yourself. Let your flaws pass to the side and embrace your best features. Walk with confidence and others won’t even notice your ‘down sides’; they will only see a beamingly beautiful woman who is sure of herself and won’t let anyone get her down.

2. Be a Little Mysterious

You don’t need to tell your whole life story during the first conversation you have with a man; let there be a little bit of mystery! I don’t mean hide things from him, but let him figure you out. Let him figure out your story. If you lay it all on the table, there’s nothing left. He won’t have anything to find out or discover about you. Let him in, but only inch him in piece by piece. Men love a woman with a little bit of mystery, so make him work to find out all the details.

3. Have Fun!

You know those girls who think they are ‘too hot’ to have fun? ‘Too good looking’ to be silly? ‘Too cool’ to let loose? Yeah, we all know those girls; and we’re all very annoyed by them. Men like a woman who isn’t afraid to have a sense of humor. Someone who isn’t afraid to be silly or do something totally fun and out of the ordinary. They don’t want to be with someone who is going to want to sit there staring at herself and wonder who’s watching them, they want someone who will go ice skating and not fear falling flat on their butt, someone who will laugh at silly jokes, someone who just knows how to have some good old fashioned FUN!

4. Ditch the Drama

NOTHING turns a guy off more than drama; and we all know how incredibly dramatic females can be. That being said, you can instantly set yourself apart from the crowd and be the lady who is completely drama-free. You’ll be like a dream come true to any man!

5. Don’t Play Games

I certainly don’t like when a man plays games, do you? I’m sure your answer to that question is a big fat NO. If you don’t like when a man plays games with you, then don’t do it to men. Seriously, it’s just not cool. Besides, a woman who is confident with herself doesn’t have the need or desire to play games with a man’s heart. They know what they want and they voice their feelings and opinions. If you’re interested, make it known. If you’re not, tell him. There’s no reason for silly junior high games, especially when you are trying to make yourself irresistible to the male species.

6. Have a Life

Believe it or not, men love it when a woman has a life of her own. They love it when a woman is busy doing her own thing- not too busy to not make time for him though, of course. So have a life of your own, whether that means you work full time, go to school several days a week, or have a hobby that takes up a lot of your time. Men find a busy, productive woman absolutely irresistible- especially because it means she won’t be looking to HIM to fill her time 24/7.

7. Be Womanly

A lot has changed since the 1950s: women are no longer expected to be in the kitchen making meals, unable to pay for anything of their own or even open their own car door. But ladies, even though we have come a long way, it doesn’t mean we can’t be dainty and feminine! Don’t act like you are completely helpless, but don’t act like one of the guys either. Have good posture, dress nice, and don’t cuss or belch in front of men. Act like a lady at all times!

8. Have a Good Personality

Men become interested in a woman from what they see with their eyes: if they see a nice looking woman sitting across the room, they will be drawn to her. But let’s just be honest: a man, most of the time, is only looking to get in the sheets with this woman. At first glance, he isn’t thinking about forming a relationship and possibly marrying this woman and having children one day. All he wants is to see what she looks like without the clothing! But ladies, what’s going to KEEP him interested and take his mind further than appearance is your personality. Be able to talk about interesting things. Have a good sense of humor (men LOVE that). Don’t bore him by talking about yourself or the incessant female drama in your life. Get to know HIM and ask HIM questions. Be nice and charming and sure of yourself. THAT is irresistible.

9. Be Visually Appealing

Okay, we just went over how men are attracted to a woman by what they see. No, I am DEFINITELY not saying you need to walk around with a mini-skirt, high heels, and a v-neck down to your belly button to grab a man’s attention. But you also shouldn’t look frumpy and worn out, either. Take good care of yourself- not just to get a man’s attention, but to feel happy with yourself as well. Eat good foods and exercise often. Wear clothing that fits your style and your body type. Leave something to the imagination! Don’t go crazy on the makeup, but don’t completely dismiss it either; instead, use it to amplify your best features. SMILE all the time!

10. Make Him Work for It

Last but not least, make him work for it- and you know what I mean. A lot of females tend to think that sleeping with a man will ‘seal the deal’, so to speak. They think, “Yeah, this guy likes me. We had a great date! If we sleep together, he will love it so much he will keep coming back for more”. And while there are a few relationships that have stuck together after romping around on the first date, there are far more that ended before they even began. Men love a chase! Make him work for it. Don’t just fall into bed with him on the first night- even though it may be difficult. Let him fall in love with your personality first, and the sex will be one hundred times better.

Do you agree with this list? What do YOU think makes a woman irresistible to men? Let us know!